


when the night comes

by rosyyoun



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gang World, Bottom Yohan, Consensual Somnophilia, Dom Seungwoo, Gang Leader!Seungwoo, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mentions of drugs, Minor Character Death, Public Blow Jobs, Slow Burn, Somewhat Ambiguous/Open Ending, Student!Yohan, Top seungwoo, past abusive relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:01:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21557458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosyyoun/pseuds/rosyyoun
Summary: seungwoo sees himself, sixteen and sprinting through the back alleys of busan, in every kid that comes through the door. not wanting anyone else to pay for his mistakes, seungwoo pushes most of them away.  it’s one of the few things that makes him believe he still has control over his life.try as he might, seungwoo never manages to push yohan away.
Relationships: Han Seungwoo/Kim Yohan
Comments: 51
Kudos: 209





	1. no matter where i go i find you.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm really excited about this work and will do my best to update it as often as possible ♡ please be aware before you read that the later chapters will contain violence, death, as well as explicit sexual content and the rating will change to reflect this.

rain soaks the pavement around yohan as he sprints the distance between the library and his dorm. it’s the third time this week he’s forgotten his umbrella, but that feels like the least of his worries at the moment. with finals starting in just two days, the only thing that could pull yohan away from his americanos and stacks of colour-coded notes is the fact that he hasn’t eaten in nearly twelve hours. 

to his relief, yohan finds his roommate standing next to the stove once he gets back, ramen already boiling away. 

“again?” wooseok asks, not bothering to look up from the steaming pot. he can hear the water dripping from yohan’s bangs onto the floor. 

“it’s not my fault! why is it raining so much in june anyway?” yohan replies indignantly. 

“just don’t catch a cold. i can’t afford to get sick too.” over the course of their year living together, wooseok has become an expert in playing off his concern for yohan as self-interest.

yohan smiles. he’s also become an expert in seeing right through wooseok over the past two semesters.

they sit in silence after yohan changes into something dry, emptying the pot of wooseok’s ramen in record time. yohan firmly believes that he hit the jackpot in getting a roommate like wooseok. he kept to himself for the most part, but was always there to help yohan with assignments as well as more personal matters. it was a shame he’d be graduating in a few weeks time, really.

“m’gonna miss you hyung.” yohan admits, unsure of what the next three years in university look like for him without wooseok by his side. a small grin crosses the elder’s face.

“it’s not like i’m dying yohan-ah. my work is twenty minutes from campus, we can meet up for lunch.” wooseok’s words assure yohan. their friendship was undoubtedly odd, a petite senior being followed around by a freshman with the disposition of a puppy, but both yohan and wooseok knew that this wasn’t goodbye. they’d become fixtures in one another’s lives, and that kind of bond isn’t so easily broken. “just stay out of trouble okay?” 

“when have i ever been in trouble?” yohan asks, feigning ignorance to all the times wooseok has walked him home drunk or loaned him a laptop charger with an essay deadline impending. they both laugh at the little white lie. 

it won’t be little for long. 

after spending a few more hours studying by the dim light of his desk lamp, the weight of yohan’s eyelids finally convinces him to get some sleep. his phone’s been turned off for the better part of the day, but he figures a few minutes on twitter before bed won’t hurt. once the screen finishes loading, yohan’s met with his usual notifications. jinhyuk tagged him in a meme, his mom called, but one text in particular is out of the ordinary.

_‘kookheon?’_ yohan wonders aloud. he and kookheon had trained at the same taekwondo dojang for a few years, but kookheon had abruptly stopped attending last summer. yohan remembers thinking it was odd, but the two weren’t close enough for him to ask kookheon about it after the fact. 

  


yohan, being the innocent soul he is, assumes the number is a project partner or maybe even an admirer of kookheon’s. somehow, their numbers had gotten mixed up but yohan could quickly send them off with the right contact information once he confirmed their identity. simple as that. 

  


he may be innocent, but he’s not stupid. 

  


kookheon was an english major, last yohan heard. 

  


the number never texts back, and yohan pushes the odd exchange out of his mind for the time being.

***  
  


the next week passes in a blur, five exams in four days and yohan is so braindead by the end of it he can barely remember his own name. he briefly considers heading straight home to get smashed with wooseok, but decides against it once he remembers it’s barely past noon. instead, yohan ends up taking the bus to his dojang, the same one he’s been training at since he was twelve. no matter how understanding yohan’s coach is of his exam schedule, he still feels guilty for not stopping by at all in the last week. yohan figures he can help with the class of little ones that usually runs at this hour and assure his coach that he’ll get back to training tomorrow. 

the class is all in their uniforms by the time he arrives, a few of them even running over to yohan once they notice him.

“hyung! where have you been?”

“it’s been like _five years_ hyung.” 

yohan apologizes with a laugh before sending them off to start their warmup. he briefly wonders why his coach hadn’t already done so, but his question is soon answered. yohan spots his coach in the corner of the dojang, talking to a man yohan doesn’t recognize and looking obviously distressed. 

“kookheon hasn’t been here in months. i don’t know what he got himself into but it doesn’t have anything to do with us.” 

yohan feels like his breath has been punched out of his throat. he’d forgotten about the strange texts asking for kookheon’s number until this moment. now, there’s no denying something is _very_ wrong. 

“but you have to have his number.” the stranger takes a step towards yohan’s coach. he doesn’t look much older than yohan, tall and slender with tattoos lining most of his visible skin. yohan makes a mental note of the smiley faces inked on his forearm.

“even if i did i wouldn’t give it to you. now leave before i call the cops.” yohan sees the man’s clenched fist flinch, but he’s obviously not stupid enough to disobey someone with a black belt around their waist. 

the man leaves without another word. against what is likely his better judgement, yohan follows.

“you’re the one that texted me?” yohan calls after the man who’s already half a block away by the time he gets outside. he spins on his heels, obviously confused. the next thing yohan knows, he’s being pulled into the alleyway next to the dojang.

“then you’re the one with kookheon’s number.” the stranger’s eyes are slim and piercing. yohan would feel intimidated even if the man were just asking for directions.

“n-no.” yohan stammers, immediately regretting his decision to confront this man. he huffs at yohan’s words, running a hand through his black hair in frustration. 

“are you gonna make this hard for me?” yohan's eyes flicker downwards, and that’s all the time the stranger needs to snatch yohan’s phone from his hand and sprint out of the alley. 

yohan’s coach rounds the corner at this moment, but neither of them realize what’s happening fast enough to make a move. the low hum of an engine fills the air, and yohan can just make out the happy faces painted on the side of the motorbike that speeds past them. 

***

twelve hours later and yohan is digging in his wallet for change to pay for his third, maybe fourth bottle of soju. he should be saving all the money he can for a new phone but he just got _mugged_ to top off his week of mind-numbing exams. suffice to say, he deserves this. 

“it’s drugs. it has to be.” wooseok declares, slamming his hand on the table across from yohan. the younger groans. 

“i just can’t believe that kookheon would...” yohan trails off because he doesn’t know what kookheon is guilty of, if anything. 

“you never know what people are going through yohan-ah, but you said it yourself. he stops training at the dojang after seemingly coming into some money, and now this shady dude is after him?” wooseok pauses to pick a rice cake off their plate of tteokbokki. “the story writes itself.” 

it does make sense, yohan admits. 

“but what if that guy finds kookheon and hurts him?” 

“kookheon’s made his choices, whatever they are. you reported the whole thing to the police right?” yohan nods. “then that’s all you can do. forget about it for tonight yohan-ah.” forgetting comes easy when wooseok refills yohan’s shot glass for the nth time that evening. 

***

  
  


yohan’s summer carries on as it always has. no more alleyway run-ins, just promises to catch up with his friends, taking his sisters out for ice cream, and a lot of early mornings at the dojang. 

the ediya coffee up the block usually isn’t open when he first shows up to training, so yohan slips out during a break one morning to grab some much needed caffeine. he’s in line, wondering whether he should indulge in an iced vanilla latte, when yohan feels a tap on his shoulder. 

“figured you’d want this back.” 

yohan lets out a garbled noise of surprise when he turns around to see his phone being held out to him. 

“oh my god, thank-” he stops as soon as he looks up to meet a pair of familiar, piercing eyes. “ _what?_ you’re-”

“cho seungyoun.” the man smiles as if greeting an old friend. yohan tugs them both out of line and over to an empty table.

“are you _crazy?_ ” yohan whispers so as to not disturb the young couple next to them.

“i thought i was doing you a favour, yohannie. i’ll keep the phone if you don’t want it.” 

“yo- how do you know my name?” yohan knows very well that he should be steering clear of this man, but the question comes out reflexively. seungyoun only laughs. 

“your name’s in your phone.” he waves a hand towards yohan's phone, which is still lying on the table between them.

“you hacked my phone?” 

“minhee just unlocked it to grab kookheon’s number...which was deactivated.” 

a soft sigh of relief escapes yohan knowing he didn’t lead this guy to kookheon, but his anxiety is still palpable. 

“why do you want to find him so bad?” seungyoun hesitates for the first time.

“he took something from my friends and i. we want it back.” 

“which is?”

“a few hundred thousand.” seungyoun shrugs.

“ _dollars?”_ yohan nearly screams and seungyoun motions for him to keep his voice down. it’s a lot of money to anyone, but especially to yohan who has been living off of ramen and two plus one kimbap the past year. the idea that a university kid like him would have access to money like that is nearly incomprehensible. 

“yes, yohannie. but now he’s disappeared.”

“why are you telling me this?” yohan asks lowly. 

“you asked, didn’t you?” it’s true, but yohan has a sinking feeling that seungyoun wouldn’t be letting him in on this information if there wasn't an ulterior motive. “plus, you could help us find him.” there it is. 

“i’m not helping you with anything.” yohan replies, finally snatching his phone off the table. 

“just think it over yohannie. we’d pay you, and all you have to do is tell us if you hear from him.” 

“ _no._ i’m leaving.” 

“you know who to call if you change your mind.” 

yohan returns to the dojang shaken and still caffeine deprived. his coach asks him what’s wrong, but yohan waves it off as a stomachache. he throws himself into preparing for his next tournament and doesn’t think about seungyoun for the rest of the day. 

yohan doesn’t bother changing out of his uniform before heading home. he’s back to living with his parents for the summer, only a ten minute walk from the dojang. the route is so familiar he could walk it in his sleep, probably has once or twice, which is why he doesn’t notice the car pulling out of the alley next to him until it’s too late. yohan feels the bumper scrape against his shin and manages to pull back, but not before his phone falls from his hand and under the wheel with a resounding _crunch_. 

“are you okay?” the driver doesn’t even get out. looking down, yohan can see his white uniform is scuffed, but otherwise he’s unharmed. 

“yeah, but i dropped my phone.” the screen is smashed into dozens of pieces, one already causing a spring of blood to well up on yohan’s finger when he picks up the phone. 

“watch where you’re going next time then.” the driver speeds off without another word. 

yohan’s starting to think this phone is cursed. or maybe it’s just him. he arrives home fully prepared to put on his best puppy dog eyes and _beg_ his parents to buy him a new phone. at first, yohan told them he lost it, to avoid raising any concern. they assured yohan it would turn up, this being far from the first time he’s misplaced one of his belongings. now, with the shattered evidence of his misfortune cradled in his hands, yohan figures they can’t say no. 

“both of the girls need new uniforms, dear.” the voice of yohan’s mother drifts out from the kitchen as he kicks his shoes off in the entryway. 

“it’ll have to wait. we still have this month’s mortgage payment. and what about yohan’s phone?” his father replies.

“it’s summer now, he can get a part time job.”

their conversation stops when they hear yohan’s footsteps down the hall. he stops in the doorway of the kitchen.

“i found it,” a few more pieces fall from yohan’s phone screen as he pathetically waves it in the air. realizing the state it’s in, yohan’s mother gives him an apologetic look. “i’ll start handing out resumes tomorrow then.” 

alone in his room yohan falls onto his bed with a sigh, the weight of the day helping him sink into the mattress. the run-in with seungyoun feels like a lifetime ago, but that doesn’t mean yohan’s any closer to making sense of it. pulling out his laptop, yohan isn’t even sure where to start in recounting the day’s events to wooseok. an unfamiliar photo under yohan’s contacts stops him before he can start typing however. 

yohan doesn’t like where his mind wanders to at the sight of the name. the idea of getting a job though? he likes that even less. there’s going to be national scouts at the tournament next month, and yohan needs to spend every second he can preparing for it, not behind the counter of some convenience store making minimum wage. surely it can’t hurt to explore his options a little.

yohan knows one word isn’t enough to hold someone like seungyoun to, but it manages to quiet his conscience.

  


***

“you met him at a fucking _coffee shop_? was it a blind date?” hangyul shakes his head, still unsure how seungyoun is older than him at times like this. they’re splayed out on the living room couch of seungwoo’s apartment, waiting for the eldest to get off the phone so they can all go out to eat. 

“he’s a kid. i figured he’d bail if i took him to one of our usual meeting spots.” seungyoun shrugs.

“aren’t we literally the same age?” 

“okay but yohan _looks_ twenty. you’re pushing forty with that haircut.” hangyul whips a pretzel at seungyoun’s forehead just as seungwoo steps out of his office. he exhales amusedly at the two on the couch, more than used to their antics by this point. without another word they head out, the balmy summer evening calling for nothing more than a light shirt and an empty stomach.

“who’s yohan?” seungwoo asks in the elevator. 

“seungyoun’s rat.” hangyul replies, earning him a playful punch to the gut from seungyoun. 

“he’s giving me updates on kookheon.” seungyoun clarifies. 

“okay, but _who_ is he?” despite the obvious annoyance in his eyes, seungwoo’s voice comes out as steady as ever.

“i met him at kookheon’s old dojang.” seungyoun answers nonchalantly, prompting seungwoo to groan softly.

“i told you to cut that shit out.” seungwoo finally turns to make eye contact with the younger man, tone firm as he speaks. “stop involving people who have no business in our world and handle this how i told you to.”

from the other side of the elevator, seungyoun can hear hangyul’s barely stifled laughter. the bell announcing their arrival at the parking garage rings.

“fine. i won’t pay him any more.” seungyoun assents with a small voice, one he only ever takes on with seungwoo. 

" _any more?_ you paid him without running it by me?” the only thing that betrays seungwoo’s anger is the way his pace quickens as the three walk towards his car.

“he asked and i didn’t-”

“give him the money back, and tell him to never contact you again.” that, undeniably, is the end of the conversation. 

the ride to dinner is silent. seungwoo is their leader. seungyoun, hangyul, and everyone else who is either now or has been under seungwoo's direction would never dare to question the fact. but even more than that, seungwoo is a son and a brother and someone who will naturally always lead with his heart over his head. it’s a blessing and a curse in their line of work. it means seungwoo will do his all to protect those around him, but sometimes this instinct is too much. he sees himself, sixteen and sprinting through the back alleys of busan, in every kid that comes through the door. not wanting anyone else to pay for his mistakes, seungwoo turns most of them away. it’s one of the few things that makes him believe he still has control over his life, not letting this life become anyone else’s. 

a few bottles of soju later and it’s like any tension between the three of them never existed. 

“you know, hyung, yohan’s your type. it’s a shame you won’t meet him.” seungyoun notes casually. seungwoo splutters at the younger’s shameless words. 

“i-” he shakes his head, “you know i don’t have time for that seungyoun.” the younger pouts. he’s doing this for seungwoo’s sake, really. in the six years he’s known seungwoo, the elder has only had one relationship that lasted longer than a night. 

“you don’t have time or you won’t make time?” hangyul joins in, being the only other person who could tease seungwoo like this without risking a black eye. 

“both.” seungwoo hums, hoping they’ll be forced to change the subject with his lack of response. he should know seungyoun doesn’t give up that easily though, if ever. the younger is already opening instagram on his personal phone.

“isn’t he cute?” 

  
  


seungwoo internally curses how well seungyoun knows him. the boy on the screen can’t be any older than twenty, eyes shining and rabbit teeth peeking out through his plush lips. and, yes, he is exactly seungwoo’s type.

“adorable,” their leader hums. seungwoo means it, truthfully, but he manages to make his tone sarcastic. “now get the money back from him.” pouting, seungyoun makes a show of typing out a message on his second phone. 

  


on the other side of seoul, yohan’s heart is racing. he can’t give the money back because he already spent it. immediately after meeting with seungyoun yohan had gone to buy a replacement phone, never considering that the deal would fall apart so quickly, if at all. 

  


seungyoun chuckles a little at the emoji, causing seungwoo to raise his eyebrow in the younger’s direction. 

  


it’s adorable that yohan is trying to appeal to the sympathy of a gang member, but seungyoun will admit it’s working. 

“hyung.” he huffs, finally looking up from his phone towards seungwoo. “why can’t we let him keep it? kookheon's running around with thousands of dollars but we demand yohan return five hundred bucks we willingly gave him?” 

“the amount isn’t what matters seungyoun.” seungwoo shakes his head, indulging in another shot of soju before continuing. “i don’t want this kid having any ties to us.” the way that seungwoo refuses to say yohan’s name doesn’t go unnoticed by seungyoun. 

“what if he can’t pay it back?” 

“didn’t you just pay him a couple hours ago?” hangyul butts in. “what did he do with it?” seungyoun conveys yohan’s message, genuinely believing the boy’s story. he recalls thinking it was odd that yohan's phone was nowhere in sight at the coffee shop earlier. their leader sighs again, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“i should be making you pay all this back seungyoun, honestly.” seungyoun winces at the unfortunate truth behind the statement. both kookheon and yohan became involved with them at his suggestion. the table vibrates in quick succession as seungyoun’s phone lights up again. 

  


“you left him on read. poor kid must be having a heart attack,” hangyul laughs after glancing over at the messages. seungwoo remains silent for another moment, before finally giving in. 

“let him keep it.” both hangyul and seungyoun’s eyes widen in shock, though perhaps they should have expected as much. 

  
  


seungyoun knows yohan’s innocence isn’t an act. a small wave of relief washes over him, suddenly thankful that seungwoo decided to call this off before the pure-hearted boy got too involved. 

“he wants to thank you.” he laughs, tone a little disbelieving. much to seungyoun’s delight, seungwoo is visibly flustered as he goes to take the phone from seungyoun’s outstretched hand. 

  


yohan doesn’t understand why everyone keeps telling him that. 

***

it’s the friday before yohan’s tournament, and wooseok’s brought him out for drinks before his week of forced sobriety begins. for the first hour their discussion rarely strays from the absurdity of how yohan ended up with his new phone, the oddly kind demeanour of seungyoun’s boss, or kookheon’s potential current whereabouts. they come to no solid conclusions, but yohan’s not even sure he wants answers at this point. he’d rather put the strangest week of his life behind him, in favour of the comfortable familiarity of wooseok’s voice. the elder is currently whining to yohan about the cute barista that works in the lobby of his office building. 

“i’m spending half of my paycheck at that cafe, i swear to god.” wooseok huffs, but the words don’t register with yohan. he’s focused somewhere over wooseok’s shoulder, mouth hanging open in surprise. 

“ _kookheon_?” yohan calls towards a boy his age, clearly too drunk to remain upright, being helped out of the restaurant by his friend. frozen in his seat, wooseok watches as yohan approaches the pair.

“yohan?” kookheon slurs. “yuvinnie look! s’yohan!” the two exchange greetings as yohan takes kookheon’s other arm, effectively leading them outside where it’s no longer too loud for yohan to gather his own thoughts. 

“where have you been?” yohan demands, sounding scarily like his mother whenever he came home late from jinhyuk’s house in middle school. kookheon waves his hand back and forth in a gesture that yohan takes to mean ‘here and there _’._

“people came to me looking for you.” yohan’s voice comes out tenser than he intended it to.

“seungyoun?” it’s yuvin who speaks. he’s been standing behind kookheon the whole time, seemingly unphased by yohan’s accusatory words. he simply hums when yohan confirms his suspicions, but kookheon is nowhere near as calm. 

“did you tell him anything?” despite the fact that they’re outside, kookheon’s volume has several heads turning their way. 

“i- no, i couldn’t. at least, i didn’t know-” yohan stammers out a response, but the lack of definitive answer is enough to set kookheon off. he lunges forward and before yohan can register that it’s not him drunkenly slipping from yuvin’s hold, there’s a throbbing pain behind his left eye, across his cheekbone, fuck _everywhere_. yohan hears his name being called and in a second wooseok is at his side, holding his shoulders in the same way yuvin is with kookheon. 

“yohan, i’m sorry.” yuvin is pleading with him but yohan can’t comprehend much beyond the ache in his skull. “you didn’t say anything right?” wooseok answers for him, assuring yuvin and a still unsteady kookheon that yohan never had a chance to share any information.

yohan is still shaking, fists clenched at his sides. in a blur, wooseok guides him back to the restaurant, opposite of the direction yuvin is now dragging kookheon in. the elder fishes ice cubes out of his glass and presses them to yohan’s swollen eye. still in shock, yohan barely registers the biting cold against his skin. 

“drunk bastard.” wooseok mumbles. “wish you could have ratted him out.” he dotes over yohan for the rest of the evening, continually suggesting they visit the hospital despite the younger’s emphatic disagreement. 

“it’s fine hyung, really.” yohan tells him for what must be the hundredth time as they part ways at the subway station. 

“what are you going to tell your parents?” the younger shrugs, shifting the ice pack they’d picked up on the way.

“missed a block when i wasn’t paying attention at practice. it’s happened before.” wooseok sighs, doubting that’s true. it’s still odd for him, leaving yohan at the end of the night instead of falling into their dorm together, maybe even into bed if wooseok was feeling particularly affectionate. wooseok waves the younger off, waiting until yohan’s train speeds out of sight to turn and board his own. 

***

tournament week means no booze, no junk food, and _technically_ no coffee. but yohan was up half of last night with a pounding headache and one americano can’t hurt. right?

he can feel the gazes drawn to him, more specifically to the bruise painted across the left side of his face, as he waits in line. luckily, the swelling isn’t serious enough to impact yohan’s vision so he’ll be fine to compete, but the deep purples and blues around his eye make the wound look a lot worse than it is. 

“excuse me?” a voice behind yohan makes him jump. he braces himself for another _‘that must have hurt’._ yeah, it did. the words are already forming in yohan’s mouth as he turns, only to be caught in his throat once he makes eye contact with the stranger behind him.

yohan would think the man was a statue if he didn’t know any better, carved from porcelain with the explicit purpose of making yohan question all that he knows beauty and elegance to be. 

“yohan?” his voice is low and comforting, muddled with a dialect yohan can’t put his finger on at the moment because he’s panicking at the fact that this man somehow knows his name. yohan nods dumbly. “how did you..?” the taller man winces as he softly gestures to yohan’s black eye. yohan can’t help the shaky exhale that escapes his lips when the man’s thumb draws dangerously close to his cheekbone.

“i-it’s a long story,” yohan sighs apologetically, though he isn’t sure why he feels sorry towards this stranger.

“i’ll buy your coffee if you tell me.” the man replies, already stepping in front of yohan with his card in-hand. he doesn’t miss the way yohan’s eyes have gone wide in shock. quite the opposite, he’s endeared by it, so he decides to finally confess. “i’m seungwoo. seungyoun’s...friend _.”_ he sighs, not wanting to burden yohan with the weight of words like _boss_ or _leader_. 

“did this happen because of us?” seungwoo asks, knuckles brushing along yohan’s bruised cheek this time. it’s just a fraction of the force he felt from kookheon last night, but it sets yohan’s skin burning a thousand times hotter. again, he nods. 

“wait over there for me, okay?” the taller lifts his chin towards a vacant table along the wall. “i just want to make sure you’re safe.”

sitting alone, yohan finally has enough time to catch his breath. he can also freely observe seungwoo while he’s occupied speaking to the barista. despite seungwoo’s casual dress, a black linen button up with loose pants and scuffed converse, yohan can tell he’s at least a few years older. yohan quickly averts his eyes from the way seungwoo’s perfectly styled hair curls against his forehead when the elder turns towards him, two coffees in tow. 

yohan accepts the drink with a gracious smile. they sit in silence for a moment as seungwoo has to put conscious effort into not staring at the way yohan’s lips wrap around his straw before speaking. 

“don’t forget your end of the deal.” yohan visibly shrinks and flushes deeper at seungwoo’s tone. it’s teasing, but the air of authority is unmistakable. 

“i, um, i was out with my friend in hongdae last night.” seungwoo nods, as if he already knows the story and is confirming yohan got the details right. “we ran into kookheon.” no matter how badly he wishes the story ended there, yohan continues. he explains how the mention of seungyoun’s name was all it took to anger kookheon, given how drunk and likely paranoid he was. there was enough alcohol in yohan’s system too, to make him miss the chance at self defence. 

“it doesn’t hurt that bad.” yohan admits. “i kinda deserved it anyway.” seungwoo’s amused smile fades at that. 

“no.” the suddenly harsh tone of seungwoo’s voice makes yohan jump in his seat. “you didn’t do anything to deserve that.” yohan has no idea why the words sound so _protective_ coming from someone he barely knows, but he can’t deny the shiver that runs down his spine as a result. “seungyoun was wrong to ask you to get involved.” 

“i was the one who agreed.” seungwoo has a sinking feeling that this self-deprecation is a common feature in yohan's speech. he doesn’t push the topic any further, but he doesn’t end their conversation either. 

“have you practiced taekwondo long?” the change in topic catches yohan off guard. it suddenly feels less like a borderline interrogation and more like a first date. god, what yohan wouldn’t give to date someone half as pretty as seungwoo.

“yeah, all my life.” yohan confirms, unconsciously thumbing at the hem of his uniform. “i have a big tournament starting wednesday, so i’ve been training since seven.” 

“the national preliminaries?” seungwoo continues when yohan’s eyes widen in surprise. “another friend, hangyul, used to compete. he still runs in those circles though. it’s how we met kookheon.” the name does ring a bell to yohan, but he decides not to pursue it. instead he simply nods, wondering how much longer seungwoo is going to keep him. talking to seungwoo isn’t a burden, of course. the younger just doesn’t understand _why_ seungwoo wants to keep talking. it likely has something to do with seungwoo's desperation to make yohan smile just once more before he leaves. 

“yeah, i’ll be there.” yohan stutters out, realizing he hadn’t actually answered seungwoo’s question. “it’ll be my last time competing in the junior division.” 

“you sound upset about that.” seungwoo observes casually.

“do i?” yohan asks softly, as if he’s posing the question to himself. “i guess it’s bittersweet. most of the friends i grew up training with have stopped competing. they couldn’t afford to without a scholarship once we entered uni.”

“but you got a scholarship?” seungwoo smirks when yohan nods. “that’s impressive yohan-ah.” the younger nearly chokes on his iced latte. 

“thank you seungwoo-ssi.” 

“i’m not that old yohan-ah. call me hyung.” with this, seungwoo finally rises from his seat. yohan would think he offended seungwoo if not for the soft smirk that hasn’t faded from seungwoo’s statuesque features. “good luck at your tournament.”

“thank you seungwoo hyung.” a smile crosses yohan’s face, displaying those bunny teeth that make seungwoo’s heart skip a beat. he leaves yohan with a nod, no matter how badly he wants to lie and say _‘see you later’._

as soon as seungwoo is around the block, he pulls out his phone. 

  


seungwoo grimaces at that. yohan isn’t anyone’s, yet.

  



	2. i could be better but it's too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter two (and smut) is here~ hope you all enjoy!
> 
> also i meant to say this last time but i feel like i made kookheon out to be such a jerk so i'm sorry sweetie you know i'll be first in line at that sixc reunion ㅠㅠ

“two more matches before yohan’s.” hangyul mumbles half to himself as he scrolls through the tournament’s schedule on his phone. next to him, seungwoo hasn’t stopped fidgeting since they sat down. he’s zoned out during the past three matches, despite hangyul’s best attempts at keeping him engaged. 

“why are you so on edge?” the younger scoffs. “gonna give him a victory kiss?”

“no.” seungwoo shakes his head, eyes still distant. “i don’t want him to know we’re here.” 

“weird.” hangyul slumps in his seat, but immediately sits forward once an announcement is made over the loudspeakers. 

_“there has been a change in schedule. next, number 12, kim yohan will compete against number 35, kim kookheon. this is an elimination match.”_

seungwoo turns to hangyul, eyes narrowed in an accusatory glint as if to say _‘why didn’t you tell me?’_

“i didn’t even see his name on the roster!” hangyul immediately defends himself. he hadn’t been expecting to see kookheon’s name either. to hangyul’s knowledge kookheon had stopped competing entirely, as he had. being in the drug running business doesn’t exactly leave one with a lot of spare time. “probably thinks he can get us off his back with the prize money.” 

“why would they switch it? kookheon’s gonna kick the shit out of him.” seungwoo speaks through his teeth, truthfully uninterested in how or why kookheon ended up here. 

_“hyung.”_ it’s rare that hangyul is the one rationalizing with seungwoo. “this isn’t some bar fight. it’s an organized sport, he’ll be fine.” he continues rambling, something about kookheon’s weak form and yohan’s flawless defense but it does little to calm the panic rising in seungwoo’s chest. 

they’re seated in the row furthest from the mat, but seungwoo can instantly recognize yohan by the bruise that still marks the left side of his face. he seems unphased, stance confident like he’s done this a hundred times before. seungwoo supposes he has. as kookheon steps onto the opposite corner of the mat, seungwoo’s phone buzzes in his pocket. 

  


a black eye? yohan can obviously recover from that. the end of his taekwondo career? something tells seungwoo that won’t be so easily healed. 

the match is seconds away from starting. out of the corner of his eye, seungwoo sees yohan slipping in his mouthguard. 

“who do you know who can get into the locker room?” the elder asks as he pulls hangyul to his feet. a look of bewilderment crosses the younger’s face. “if kookheon loses he’ll tell the judges yohan has coke on him.” 

curses fall from hangyul’s mouth as he and seungwoo push their way past fellow spectators. hangyul already has his phone to his ear, struggling to keep his voice low as he whispers a mantra of _‘pick up, pick up’_.

“we have seven minutes.” he calls back towards seungwoo. that’s being generous, if kookheon can keep his mouth shut until the end of both rounds. 

“jinhyuk, thank god. where are you?” seungwoo hears hangyul say once they get to the bottom of the bleachers. “are you near yohan’s bag? shit.” he pulls the receiver away from his mouth. 

“it’s in a locker.” hangyul pants. 

“then kookheon couldn’t have got to it, right?” behind them, the buzzer rings to signal the start of the first round.

“do you really want to take that chance, hyung?” seungwoo groans at the absurdity of the whole thing. it’s incomprehensible, but the one thing he knows is he’s not letting yohan lose what he’s evidently spent his life working for over one questionable decision. seungwoo takes a deep inhale to collect himself before speaking. 

“go to the locker room. i’ll get the combination from yohan during the break.” 

“that’s his coach in the red jacket.” hangyul nods over seungwoo’s shoulder, and the elder is off jogging towards the mat. 

yohan’s already earned the lead, despite there still being two minutes left in the round. it puts seungwoo on edge as he takes the first empty seat in the front row. off to the side, hangyul disappears through a set of double doors, still barking down the phone. 

for a moment, seungwoo indulges himself and does what he came here to do. the power in yohan’s stance and the control with which he directs his body seems unfitting to the mild mannered boy seungwoo met in the coffee shop, and it only makes it harder for seungwoo to tear his eyes away. a flash of red in front of him breaks his concentration.

“excuse me?” yohan’s coach turns around. seungwoo extends his hand, and before he can think of literally _anything_ else blurts out, “i’m yohan’s boyfriend, seungwoo.” the coach’s eyes narrow, but he takes seungwoo’s hand nonetheless. niceties are exchanged as the timer across the room hits one minute.

“i didn’t know yohan had a boyfriend.” _yeah, neither does he._

“it’s only been a few months.” seungwoo feels his skin crawl, but manages to keep up the act. “he doesn’t know i’m here though. could i surprise him? say hi on the break?” he can only hope yohan’s coach doesn’t pick up on the panic seeping into his words. 

“he’s ahead, so sure.” the relaxed quality to the coach’s words relieves seungwoo. “just be quick.” 

the buzzer sounds. seungwoo turns to see yohan making his way to the side of the mat. like clockwork, he accepts a water bottle from his coach without a word. it takes yohan a second to notice seungwoo. the elder is frozen in place trying not to stare at the way yohan’s sweat drenched bangs cling to his flushed forehead or how his plush lower lip hangs open in an exhale after emptying half the water bottle at once. 

“seungwoo hyung?” yohan looks at him, eyebrows furrowed.

“yohan-ah.” seungwoo sighs. he grips yohan’s bicep in what he hopes looks like a loving gesture, instead of an attempt to tug the younger away from his coach. the elder lowers his voice. “i need you to tell me your locker combination.” yohan’s confusion only deepens, but he can sense the urgency in seungwoo’s tone and decides to believe him.

“it’s my birthday. why?” 

“kookheon’s trying to disqualify you. we’ll make sure nothing happens, i promise.” seungwoo exhales, breath made shaky by the way yohan is looking up at him with wide eyes and far too much trust. “just finish your match.” twenty seconds left and yohan is being lead back to the mat by his coach. realizing he didn’t wish yohan good luck, seungwoo makes do with a small _‘fighting!’_ gesture in the younger’s direction. he probably hasn’t done that since junior high.

as the buzzer rings for the third time, seungwoo realizes he has absolutely no idea when yohan’s birthday is. hangyul, as expected, is also no help in the matter. 

“how the fuck would i know? i’ve never even talked-”

“september twenty second.” a voice in the back calls out. there’s scuffling on the other end of the line. hangyul’s voice shocks seungwoo back into action. “i have it. come to the bathroom near the entrance.” seungwoo glances over his shoulder as he runs out of the gym. a minute and a half left.

the better part of yohan’s gym bag is spread across the floor when seungwoo throws open the bathroom door. he’ll find it in himself to feel bad later. hangyul’s being as thorough as he can, given their time crunch. after reaching into the back pocket of yohan’s jeans he turns to seungwoo, victory written across his features. 

“holy shit.” seungwoo breathes. 

it’s a small bag, barely enough for a couple hits, but seungwoo knows it would be more than enough to tear yohan down from his well deserved pedestal. the elder reaches out to hangyul and pockets the cocaine as they work together to unceremoniously shove yohan’s things back in his duffle bag. 

as seungwoo and hangyul exit the bathroom, a lanky boy with bleached hair and a name tag reading _‘lee jinhyuk’_ runs up to them. hangyul shoves the gym bag into his waiting arms.

“he’ll be fine. get it back in the locker.” jinhyuk nods, and seungwoo briefly wonders what the blonde’s allegiance to yohan (or hangyul) is. his answer comes without having to ask. 

“yohan’s best friend.” hangyul informs seungwoo. “a little overprotective, which is probably why yohan and i have never been introduced.” he huffs out a laugh. it’s been long enough that hangyul’s no longer offended by the way some former teammates’ opinions of him have soured. 

jinhyuk disappears into the locker room as the last buzzer rings. the sound makes seungwoo’s head spin and it’s suddenly like he has a brick in his pocket instead of a couple grams. hangyul tugs him back towards the gym. 

one point. seungwoo can see yohan’s coach clapping wildly as his athlete’s arm is lifted into the air. yohan won by a single point. 

on the opposite side of the referee stands kookheon, eyes trained on the ground. then, as if he can feel seungwoo’s eyes boring into him, kookheon glances up. unphased, seungwoo doesn’t break the sudden eye contact. he _dares_ kookheon to try something as, almost imperceptibly, he shakes his head and taps his hand twice against his jacket pocket. yohan is far too busy being embraced by his coach and jinhyuk to notice the exchange, much to seungwoo’s relief. he narrows his eyes at kookheon once more before going to join in on the celebration.

“yohan-ah, congratulations.” again, yohan is taken aback by seungwoo’s presence. he raises both eyebrows in hopeful questioning, heart still pounding with the adrenaline of winning a match. seungwoo simply nods and attempts his most comforting smile. it seems to work as he can hear yohan let out a relieved exhale. the relaxed air is broken as yohan’s coach half shouts,

“you punk, how could you not tell me you have a boyfriend?” yohan splutters. there’s nothing this day hasn’t thrown at him, truly. he goes to speak, but is quickly silenced by the feeling of seungwoo’s fingers slipping around his waist.

“he’s always been shy, hasn’t he?” seungwoo laughs. his voice is soft and comforting, dripping honey that yohan so desperately wants to taste. the elder looks down at yohan, eyes shining, and it has him half believing this blatant lie. yohan suddenly understands why seungwoo is in the line of work he is. 

“i’m going to go change hyung.” he mumbles, despite trying to keep a smile on his face. yohan grabs jinhyuk’s arm before turning towards the locker room. 

“i’ll wait outside.” seungwoo calls, watching as the words make yohan’s shoulders rise up to his ears. 

“it was really in my bag?” yohan asks lowly. across from him, jinhyuk nods. both of them have long since exchanged their uniforms for street clothes, but yohan isn’t quite ready to go back outside, especially if seungwoo is staying true to his word. “where is it now?”

“i think seungwoo has it.” jinhyuk sighs as he shakes his head. “you see why i told you not to hang around kookheon and hangyul?” 

“i never did.” yohan defends himself as he tugs on his shoes, hands still shaking lightly. 

“i know hannie. you’re just _really_ lucky seungwoo decided to save your ass.” it doesn’t make sense, yohan knows that, but it’s a little easier to believe when he thinks back to the way seungwoo spoke to him in the cafe. something in the way he looked at yohan made the younger feel protected, even if seungwoo was likely the one endangering him in the first place. 

“was the boyfriend act necessary though?” yohan huffs as he finally rises from his seat. 

“are you complaining? cause you looked at him like you wanted to-” jinhyuk fires back, but yohan cuts him off.

“yes _,_ i’m complaining _._ now shut up.” slinging his bag over his shoulder, yohan pushes open the locker room door. behind him, jinhyuk continues teasing in a high-pitched voice that is apparently supposed to be an imitation of yohan. 

“oh hyung, please protect me. i’m too _shy_ seungwoo hyung. kiss me seungwoo, my saviour.” 

yohan is just about to tell jinhyuk to knock it off when, to his horror, he realizes someone is laughing along next to them. as promised, seungwoo has been waiting dutifully outside the locker room. 

“i don’t know about a kiss, but i can give you a ride home?” the elder laughs softly. beside seungwoo, hangyul looks up from his phone if only to roll his eyes. yohan feels like sinking into the floor, though he’s not sure if the impulse comes from embarrassment or attraction. likely both. 

“y-you’ve done enough hyung.” yohan half hopes jinhyuk will step in and drag him away, but the blonde remains quiet, watching the interaction with a cautious curiosity. “my friends are taking me out for dinner.” 

“what good timing.” seungwoo hums. “i owe hangyul some pork belly. it’ll be my treat.” yohan’s left with little room to argue when seungwoo wordlessly shoulders his gym bag and takes off towards the parking lot. 

yohan’s seated behind hangyul, trying his best to stay focused on texting wooseok. it would be easy if not for the sight of seungwoo, all too relaxed with one hand on the wheel, that is insistently demanding his attention. 

it shouldn’t be so surprising to yohan that, when seated together, the six of them look like nothing more than old friends spending a typical saturday night out. seungyoun and wooseok arrive at the same time, claiming the free seats between jinhyuk and hangyul. 

not only does it look like they’re friends, it _feels_ like it. hangyul has an appetite to rival yohan’s, which is obviously saying something as the latter spent the last four days competing against (and beating) some of seoul’s best athletes. seungwoo seems content to watch them both eat, favouring his shot glass and some banchan over the fatty meat sizzling away in the middle of the table. across from them, seungyoun has taken a liking to wooseok. he’s toying with the smaller in an effort to see how dark wooseok’s cheeks can flush with his flirtatious words. jinhyuk is watching along in silent amusement. the blonde still isn’t thrilled about the situation, but if seungwoo’s paying he’s willing to act blissfully ignorant to the fact that the elder likely has a gun on him. 

it’s a little harder for him to ignore the way seungwoo hasn’t taken his hand off yohan’s thigh since they first sat down. wooseok seems to have picked up on it too, finally drawing his focus away from glaring at seungyoun to lean across the table. 

“are you feeling okay yohan-ah?” there’s a blush set high across the younger’s cheeks, and wooseok knows it’s not because of the heat of the grill or the half empty soju bottles littering the table. 

“y-yeah.” yohan stutters as he reaches out for another perilla leaf. 

“you just look warm. do you want to step outside?” wordlessly, yohan nods and follows his former roommate towards the door. wooseok inhales softly before speaking, revelling in the warm summer air. “are you sure this is a good idea?”

“it’s just dinner, hyung.” yohan shrugs, eyes trained on the ground. the tone is one he rarely uses with wooseok, impatient and defiant, and it makes the elder worry his lip out of habit.

“you know what i mean yohan-ah.” wooseok draws closer to yohan and drops his voice. “seungwoo’s acting like he owns you. and you’re not exactly telling him to stop.” 

“would you _relax?_ ” now that tone is something wooseok’s never heard from yohan. pinching the bridge of his nose, wooseok tries to rationalize with himself. yohan has no doubt had an exhausting day. 

“i know you like him-” wooseok sighs, but is quickly interrupted by yohan.

“so what if i do? he’s not a bad person, hyung. i would have been screwed without him today.”

“just because he’s nice to you doesn’t mean he’s good for you.” reflexively, yohan looks over his shoulder, back towards the restaurant. seungwoo is caught in the glow of the setting sun as he leans forward to allow hangyul to pour him another shot. the golden light absolves him of what must be countless sins, because yohan thinks seungwoo looks angelic. 

“why can’t it?” yohan mumbles, eyes still trained on seungwoo.

“he’s a _criminal_ yohan. and not some kid who used to steal chocolate bars from gs25. he’s the leader of a drug running gang and you’re endangering yourself by even entertaining the thought of being with him.” wooseok pants, having not paused for breath once throughout his reprimand. 

“i’d be safe.” 

“you don’t know that. and neither does he.” as yohan turns to go back inside the restaurant, wooseok assumes the younger is done retaliating. his head is hung low and wooseok briefly wonders if his words were too harsh. even if they were, they seem to have worked. 

but then, yohan takes his place at seungwoo’s side once again. leaning up towards the elder, yohan whispers something in seungwoo’s ears that makes his eyebrow raise and the corner of his mouth turn up in a soft smirk.

“of course.” seungwoo nods. he looks up, locking eyes with wooseok who has yet to take his seat. the table between them feels more akin to a chasm in wooseok’s mind. he watches on as seungwoo stands, pulling a credit card from his wallet and tossing it to hangyul in the process.

“yohan’s not feeling well. i’m gonna take him home.” seungwoo announces. wooseok and jinhyuk share a knowing glance, and in the time wooseok’s eyes were away from the two yohan has already wrapped both of his hands around seungwoo’s bicep. despite yohan’s built shoulders, the action manages to make him look small next to seungwoo. wooseok thinks it must be a conscious choice. with this reminder, that yohan is old enough to make his own decisions, wooseok refrains from offering to ride along with them. he simply watches in silence as yohan allows seungwoo to lead him from their table and out of the restaurant. 

now in the passenger seat, yohan feels infinitely more nervous than when he first rode in seungwoo’s car a mere hour ago. his knee bounces in a steady rhythm, eyes resolutely trained on the traffic in front of him and not the man in the driver’s seat. seungwoo either hasn’t noticed his anxiety or is mercifully acting oblivious to it. 

“you haven’t given me your address. is that you telling me you don’t actually want to go home?” the elder asks calmly.

yohan chokes on his own spit, but the ensuing coughing fit doesn’t phase seungwoo. he remains focused on the road, only glancing over once to ensure yohan is still breathing. once sure that the younger is okay, seungwoo lets a faint smile splay across his lips. it wasn’t his intention to fluster yohan, truly, but the younger doesn’t exactly make that task difficult. 

“i-” yohan starts, toeing a line or maybe even a cliff with his words. “we can go somewhere. if you want.” seungwoo pretends to think it over. silently, the elder changes lanes, obviously having a place in mind. yohan’s mind starts racing with thoughts of seedy clubs or penthouse apartments or _sulbing?_

seungwoo puts the car into park in front of the cafe’s familiar sign. dumbfounded, yohan remains frozen in his seat until seungwoo speaks up. 

“do you have a favourite? i usually go for the strawberry.”

“m-mint choco.” yohan admits, unsure why the words feel like an intimate confession. seungwoo purses his lips and nods. 

“mint choco it is then.” 

not only is yohan nervous, he’s now entirely confused. seungwoo sets the tray of bingsu down between them, having ordered while yohan sat idly opening and closing the conversation with ‘ _wooseokie hyung’_ on his phone. yohan knows wooseok is fiercely protective of those he loves, has known it since the first party they went to together, when wooseok took a swing at a guy towering half a foot above him for trying to take advantage of an intoxicated yohan. he spent the rest of the weekend cuddled next to wooseok on the couch, nursing the elder’s busted lip as they marathoned studio ghibli movies. somewhere in between porco rosso and kiki’s delivery service yohan understood that wooseok would do anything for him. and resolved to do the same.

their earlier interaction had only been a manifestation of wooseok’s protectiveness. guilt tugs lightly at yohan’s chest, knowing he was so defensive towards his hyung who was only speaking from the most genuine place of concern. there’s a small sense of victory there too though, knowing he’ll be able to tell wooseok that all _big bad seungwoo_ did was take yohan out for bingsu.

“you seem close with wooseok.” seungwoo’s voice snaps yohan out of his daze, jumping a little to lock his phone display that was still glowing with wooseok’s contact name.

“living together will do that.” yohan nods, lopsided smile making another coveted appearance.

“i lived with seungyoun for two months and nearly knocked his teeth out.” the elder smirks as he finally digs his spoon into the mountain of shaved ice and chocolate sauce.

“you two do seem...different.” yohan offers. he knows there’s no real malice in seungwoo’s words, but the controlled manner in which he can make such threats sends a shiver up yohan’s spine.

“maybe it’s why i can’t get rid of him, opposites attract and all. we’ve been working together since i came to seoul.” seungwoo’s eyes track yohan’s movements as he speaks, watching with thinly veiled want at the way yohan hums happily when he wraps his lips around a spoonful of ice cream. 

“i knew i heard an accent.” 

“busan isn’t so foreign, is it?” seungwoo asks, to which yohan shakes his head, but he still seems delighted.

“when did you move here?” it takes seungwoo a moment to answer. purposefully or otherwise, the first few years of seungwoo’s time in seoul have been pushed to the back of his mind.

“i was nineteen.” this time, yohan stalls, processing what seungwoo’s answer means. his voice drops, eyebrows drawing together.

“you’ve been doing this since you were nineteen?”

“sixteen.” at sixteen, yohan’s biggest concerns were passing pre-calculus and questioning his sexuality thanks to choi minho’s sleeveless tee’s in _view._ with some gentle prodding and a few glances around to ensure their privacy, yohan learns what seungwoo was like at that age.

it was a senior in seungwoo’s high school who’d offered him a job at the port. oblivious and desperate to help support his struggling parents, seungwoo accepted. he’d expected to be cheap labour, moving cargo to and from their respective shipments all day long. while that assumption was more or less correct for the first few months of work, things soon changed.

  
  


twice a week, he’d be given two numbers. one corresponding to a shipment, the other to a container. while the rest of the cargo was prepared for customs inspections, seungwoo kept the designated container aside. he’d have a ten or so minute window to drive it off to the side of the yard before the customs officers arrived. twice a week, in a ten or so minute window, seungwoo’s gut would clench so tight that bile rose in his throat and sweat beaded along his neck despite the biting chill of busan’s winter. 

he didn’t know what happened to the containers after they were out of the shipyard, wasn’t allowed to know such things at sixteen. 

by the time he was nineteen, though, seungwoo knew more than many of his seniors. he’d won the favour of the man who, as seungwoo came to learn, had been the one supplying him with the shipment information. he knew that seungwoo never missed a container, worked quickly with his head down, and had talked his way out of not one but two direct confrontations with customs officials. when the need for the presence of their operation in seoul grew, seungwoo was given a recommendation to take up that same position. 

“i moved that fall. told my mom i training to be an idol.” seungwoo finishes, eyes distant. the deluge of information leaves yohan silent for a moment before the only thing he can think to say slips out.

“hyung.” finally, seungwoo looks up to see yohan’s wet eyes.

“i don’t need any pity yohan-ah. i don’t deserve it.” yohan opens his mouth to argue, but seungwoo speaks first. his words echo wooseok’s rationale from weeks ago. “i’ve made my choices. i wanted to provide for my parents. now i can ten times over, so i’m happy.” 

there’s so many questions left floating in yohan’s mind, but the finality in seungwoo’s tone forces them to sink out of his consciousness for now. 

“thank you for trusting me.” yohan tells seungwoo, voice soft.

“you make it easy, angel.” in a second, yohan’s face is flushed pink. seungwoo can’t help but laugh, dispersing any remaining heaviness from the weight of his backstory. at that moment, yohan’s phone vibrates, rattling the spoons in the now empty bowl of bingsu. 

“wooseok wondering why you aren’t home?” seungwoo asks. the notification is from instagram though, a new follower yohan doesn’t recognize. __c.b.c_1112._

“no, just instagram.” yohan laughs, thinking nothing of it. “i should get home though. i think my parents got me a cake.” 

“after all that bingsu?” the younger just smiles sheepishly as he lets seungwoo, once again, lead him to the car by his waist. it’s dusk now, the sun creeping towards the horizon a little earlier each day. 

after starting the engine, seungwoo hands his phone to yohan, naver maps open and waiting for his address. the simple gesture makes yohan’s cheeks flare up again. while yohan is occupied, seungwoo’s hand once again finds its way to the younger’s thigh. it’s not the act that surprises yohan, but how comfortable it feels. seungwoo’s phone reads twenty minutes when yohan sets it on the dash, far too few zeros for his liking. as long as they stay in this car, yohan thinks, he can easily ignore the reality of who seungwoo is outside of it, outside of this fleeting shower of attention he’s decided to grace yohan with.

seungwoo hums yohan’s street name before reversing out of the parking lot. for a few minutes they drive in silence, only interrupted by seungwoo’s blinker or a distant car horn. 

“yohan-ah?” the elder finally speaks up. it may just be yohan’s imagination, but he thinks he feels seungwoo’s grip on his thigh tense. _“i’m sorry.”_

“hyung.” yohan exhales. “i told you you don’t have to do that.” the apology feels strangely more weighted than the handful yohan heard throughout the afternoon, but he doesn’t know how else to react.

“for everything.” seungwoo sighs as they pull up to a red light. “i mean it.” is that the difference? there was no lack of sincerity in the former apologies, as far as yohan could discern. seungwoo delivered every one with an honest regret, obviously shaken by seeing yohan’s passion threatened, maybe even more so than yohan himself. 

_how could a person so sincere be bad for him?_

_why should he deny himself someone who so obviously cares for him?_

without a satisfactory answer to either question, yohan pushes himself up from his seat. taken aback, seungwoo doesn’t react until yohan is gripping his jaw with two hands and their lips are pressed together. the elder curses under his breath. he truly hadn’t expected yohan to be the first one between them to break. their teeth clash in seungwoo’s haste to return the kiss, but it’s quickly cut short by the sound of a horn from behind them. regretfully, seungwoo draws his eyes back to the road and the green light in front of them. 

“yohan-ah. i have to drive.” the elder breathes when, instead of sitting back, yohan trails his lips down to seungwoo’s neck. 

“then drive.” yohan replies casually. just as he’d hoped, bruises bloom easily on seungwoo’s skin. the sight, as well as the sounds he’s dragging out of seungwoo, are intoxicating. yohan has no intention of pulling his mouth away from the elder’s neck, until he feels seungwoo’s grip in his hair. it’s not enough to hurt, but it’s enough to have yohan freeze in place. 

_“wait.”_ seungwoo’s words send a shiver up yohan’s spine, as they seemingly so often do. finally, yohan draws back into the passenger seat. he isn’t even cognisant of the way the gps is protesting at the turns seungwoo is making. the sudden jolt of the brakes serves to focus yohan only slightly, and he sees that seungwoo has pulled into a quiet side street. 

this time, it’s seungwoo who leans over the divider and kisses yohan with such force it makes the younger whimper. 

“what do you want angel? just tell me and i’ll give it to you.” there’s an embarrassing number of responses yohan could give, but he chooses the most succinct and mumbles, _“you”_ , against seungwoo’s lips. 

“i figured that much, baby.”

“i want to make you feel good.” yohan hiccups as if he’s on the verge of tears. perhaps he is with the pure need coursing through him. “please?” 

seungwoo’s car blocks enough of the alley they’re in that yohan knows they’re hidden from the street. the fact does little to quell any feelings of anxiety though as yohan sinks to his knees in front of the older man. it’s a sight seungwoo’s been fantasizing over for longer than he cares to admit, definitely longer than he’s known yohan, but the images in his dreams were always close enough to the watery-eyed, pink-lipped boy in front of him now that such technicalities don’t matter. in seungwoo’s mind, it’s always been yohan. 

“that’s it baby.” seungwoo grits out when yohan finally grasps his belt buckle with shaking fingers. the younger’s movements are quick and ungraceful, from a combination of nerves and eagerness and fear. yohan’s afraid only because he knows that, if given too much time to think, he will finally acknowledge the absurdity of his current situation. it’s absurd because, yes, he’s on his knees in some trash littered alley but also because seungwoo _wants_ this. gorgeous, elegant, and no doubt experienced seungwoo wants yohan, is out of breath the second yohan wraps a hand around his half-hard cock. 

the sound of seungwoo’s exasperated pants spur yohan on, twisting his wrist rhythmically to feel seungwoo harden beneath his touch. his size isn’t lost on yohan, big enough to set his mouth watering but thankfully not daunting, given the fact that yohan has been with a grand total of one other person in his life. 

when yohan feels the slick of seungwoo’s precome wet his movements, he can’t help but dart his tongue out to swipe at the head of the elder’s cock. seungwoo groans lowly, head dropping back against the brick wall behind him. unlike the first time he did this, yohan feels genuine pleasure and a dizzying sense of pride when he wraps his lips around seungwoo fully. the weight of seungwoo’s cock on his tongue satisfies yohan in a way he didn’t think possible. 

seungwoo’s head is still pressed against the wall, eyes shut tight as he tries to prepare himself for the sight of yohan with a mouth stuffed full of cock. as it turns out, nothing could prepare him as at the moment seungwoo finally looks down, yohan pushes his head forward as far as he can. the younger’s spit and precome slick lips stretch even wider in the process, and seungwoo slams a fist against the bricks behind him to shock himself out of coming right then. 

yohan flinches at the harsh gesture, eyes flickering up towards seungwoo without pulling back. he really is like a bunny, seungwoo notes in passing. 

“yohan-ah.” seungwoo somehow manages to keep his voice steady. “is it okay like this?” the words confuse yohan for a moment, until seungwoo adds, “or do you want hyung to do it for you?” 

yohan _shakes._

“hyung.” 

“good boy.” seungwoo gives yohan a moment to breathe, even bringing a hand down to stroke at the younger’s drool soaked jaw. “pinch my thigh if it’s too much okay?” it takes yohan a moment to nod, his mind already hazy. seungwoo can’t help but wonder how far he could push yohan, how much the younger could endure before all he knows how to do is beg and cry and take whatever seungwoo gives him. another day, seungwoo lies to himself.

for now, he settles for gently feeding his cock back between yohan’s plush lips. with one hand wrapped loosely in yohan’s hair seungwoo begins rocking his hips. shamefully eager to hear seungwoo praise him again, yohan steadies himself with his hands on his thighs and takes it. at first seungwoo goes slow, doesn’t even push all the way in. but yohan is sitting there, so obedient and pliant, that seungwoo can’t help thinking he’s asking for more. 

seungwoo dares, just once, to push forward until he hits the back of yohan’s throat. he’s expecting to hear yohan gag, but instead he’s met with a sound much sweeter. yohan moans around seungwoo’s cock and, reflexively, reaches to palm himself over his jeans.

“holy shit.” seungwoo exhales, causing yohan to moan softly again. “you’re perfect. so good for me angel.” his grip in yohan’s hair tightens, now fucking into the younger’s mouth without hesitation. yohan takes loud, shuddering breaths through his nose as he looks up towards seungwoo, eyes now spilling tears in earnest. the elder has lied, stolen, _killed,_ but nothing has made him as dizzy with power and lust as seeing yohan choking on his cock. only the dim glow of a street light illuminates seungwoo’s features, but he’s as godly as the day yohan first met him bathed in sunlight. 

enamoured with the sight of one another, yohan and seungwoo easily forget where they are. the lewd, wet sounds of seungwoo’s cock slipping in and out yohan’s mouth echo in the alleyway. it would be unmistakable to anyone walking by, but it only makes yohan’s cheeks burn hotter and his hand work faster. 

“yohan-ah. can i -” the younger cuts seungwoo off, not even needing to hear the question before he’s nodding as best as he can. “okay baby. gonna come with me?” yohan nods again. he feels a wave of relief at seungwoo’s permission, something he didn’t know he needed until now. “such a good boy. touching yourself all pretty for me.” the praise makes yohan keel forward, unintentionally pushing all of seungwoo’s cock down his throat. that’s all it takes to have seungwoo coming into yohan’s mouth, a string of curses falling from his lips as he does. a bit of come spills out the side of yohan’s mouth and down his chin and he’s _gone._ yohan’s mind goes fuzzy as he makes a mess of his jeans, the mental image of how wrecked and filthy he must be only adding to his pleasure. his hand stills at the same moment that seungwoo pulls back. not trusting himself to stand, yohan simply lets his head loll forward to rest on seungwoo’s thigh, but the elder has other plans.

“come on, baby. up.” the younger lets seungwoo pull him to his feet. immediately, seungwoo traps yohan in a kiss that is so gentle he thinks it can’t be the same person who was fucking his throat raw a minute ago. their lips slide against one another, eased by the drool shining along yohan’s lower lip. seungwoo brings his thumb up to wipe away a little of the mess, no matter how badly the possessive streak in him wants to leave his come staining yohan’s skin.

yohan protests the whole way home, voice soft and eyelids heavy. “wanna stay with you hyung.” seungwoo quiets him with a kiss each time. he doesn’t reply for fear that, if he does, he’ll make yohan a promise he can’t keep. a promise of next time. it’s not fair to yohan, seungwoo knows. nothing he’s done so far is fair, but it will only get worse if he allows yohan to grow closer, more attached. it’s what wooseok was telling yohan earlier outside the restaurant, no doubt in seungwoo’s mind. 

as they pull up outside yohan’s complex, he briefly thanks whatever higher power there is that yohan has such caring people in his life, has a home, a promising future. it would be the most selfish thing seungwoo’s ever done to threaten that again. but as he watches yohan walk inside, turning around no less than three times to wave at the car, god does seungwoo want to be selfish.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! at the moment i'm thinking this will be five chapters~
> 
> come talk to me about seunghan (and yohan’s mysterious follower?) ♡


	3. there are still words i want to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi ♡ to all my lovely readers and fellow one-its, thank you for still being here. i plan to be here as long as i love and am inspired by these boys, which as of now will be a very long time. i hope that this fic and ao3 as a whole can be a place for you to forget the pain we've been through for a little while before continuing to fight for and support our boys. again, thank you and ily!

the midsummer sun is already halfway across the sky by the time yohan blinks his eyes against its light. his mom knows better than to wake him as early as she usually does the day after a tournament. it’s yohan’s one day of rest and relaxation and he fully intends to spend all of it in bed. 

rolling onto his side, yohan collects his phone from where it’s fallen onto the floor at some point during the night. there’s only two notifications.

yohan feels his stomach turn, the events of the night before coming back to him in waves. crashing, deafening waves. was he happy to be with seungwoo? of course. but the absence of any message from the elder isn’t lost on yohan. no, the only person trying to get in touch with yohan is the one he probably thoroughly pissed off last night. 

yohan gives himself a few minutes to come to his senses before re-opening his messages. he winces a little seeing the only text he’d sent wooseok last night was a curt _‘home’._

that’s really the extent of their communication for the rest of the week. come friday though, wooseok senses that something is off. it’s expected for yohan to be caught up in his training throughout the day, but it’s rare for him to go without checking in on wooseok before bed. the elder has already had dinner, but he takes it upon himself to ensure yohan has too. 

  
  


it feels like nothing’s changed. for the most part nothing has, only now they’re in yohan’s childhood bedroom instead of their shared apartment and yohan is still lying through his teeth. his gut tells him wooseok already knows and that’s why the elder offered to come over, needing to see yohan was alright with his own eyes. 

they’re sat next to one another, only their shoulders pressed together due to the sweltering heat outside. 

“i take it you haven’t seen seungwoo again?” 

yohan shifts lightly, not drawing his eyes away from the tv as he answers. 

“no. he hasn’t texted.”

“did you text him? _”_ wooseok half hopes the answer is yes, hopes seungwoo was nothing more than a passing storm. it’s summer after all, and wooseok wants clear skies and contentment and the familiarity of yohan’s form pressing against his own. 

“no.” 

“why not?”

“i don’t have his number.” yohan admits bashfully. it’s far from the answer wooseok was expecting, but it does make him huff out a laugh. typical yohan. 

the elder pauses for a moment. he’s choosing his next words carefully, weighing yohan’s happiness against his own pride. like always, yohan wins. 

“i stand by what i said yohan-ah.” the younger sighs in anticipation of the lecture to come. “but the lack of closure is obviously upsetting you.” 

“oh. y-yeah, i guess you’re right.” closure feels very low on the list of things yohan wants between him and seungwoo, but he refrains from correcting wooseok. 

“he didn’t try anything but he still lead you on. asking for an apology can’t hurt.” truth be told, yohan’s terrified of what wooseok would do if he knew the truth about that night so he bites his tongue again. “you can get his number from seungyoun, right?”

“i can try.” 

as expected, seungyoun makes no shortage of innuendos but hands over the number without resistance. yohan waits until wooseok’s gone home to use it.

despite the well wishes, yohan doesn't fall asleep until the exhaustion of crying for too long forces his swollen eyes shut. 

***

it’s been two weeks since yohan spoke to seungwoo. on the surface he’s unphased, keeping busy with training and goshiwon hunting for the new school year. of all things, it’s the fucking ediya coffee that cracks his facade. 

a roadblock forces yohan to take the long way home, past the coffee shop he’d been avoiding in a pitiful attempt to forget the man he’d met there. through the window, yohan sees a girl his age hunched over a sketchbook at the same table he and seungwoo used. the same table where seungwoo called his name and looked at him with so much care. clearly the forgetting isn’t going as well as yohan had hoped. so he turns to the only other means he knows to clear his mind.

it’s a rule of yohan’s to never drink alone, but the ache in his chest is so prominent he can barely remember his own name, let alone some hazy moral rationale. 

his heart doesn’t hurt because he can’t have seungwoo. no, yohan knows that much by now. they are as far apart as the seedy bar yohan sits in and the nearest star.

yohan’s heart only hurts because he _thought_ he could have seungwoo. for one night he felt on top of the world when really he was being strung along by a gangster who mistook yohan’s eagerness as easiness. maybe yohan was easy. he sure as fuck was stupid.

he drinks until he forgets to pity himself, mind only occupied with thoughts of missing seungwoo’s hand in his hair or weight on his tongue. it was one night, yohan reminds himself endlessly, but it does little to fade the memories that he would do anything to relive. shaking his head, yohan attempts to pull himself out of the dangerous reverie as he looks around the bar. only a few seats are occupied, as expected of an early tuesday evening. practice tomorrow is sure to be a bitch but yohan can’t find it in himself to care as he orders another. a figure next to him does the same. the familiar voice has yohan freezing in his seat. he doesn’t dare to turn his head until the stranger retreats to their table, but he knows those wide set shoulders and that light brown hair. against his will yohan’s fingers start shaking against the cool glass of his beer bottle, suddenly filled with the sort of anxiety that draws his chest tight and his breaths short. 

kookheon’s fucking with him, has to be. there’s no way he hasn’t noticed yohan, and now he’s sitting on the other side of the bar just watching yohan sweat. he considers bolting out the door, but yohan seriously doubts his ability to keep on his feet at the moment. staying and waiting for kookheon to approach isn’t much more appealing, though. _fuck_ , yohan groans to himself, his eye had only just healed.

far too drunk to make any coherent decision, yohan’s mind reverts to what seems to be the common denominator of his thoughts these days. _seungwoo._ seungwoo will know what to do. he wanted to keep yohan safe, right? even if the words were said with seungwoo’s fingers crossed behind his back, yohan dials the elder’s number. the line rings and rings as yohan slowly resigns himself to his fate of a second black eye. 

“yohan. i told you-” finally, he answers.

“seungwoo hyung.” yohan hiccups, earning a concerned glance from the bartender as tears well in his eyes. “i need your help, please.” a curse comes down the receiver. 

“what’s going on?”

“it’s kookheon. he’s here, hyung, and i don’t know how to-” yohan’s words slur together but seungwoo manages to understand them, along with the fact that yohan is clearly intoxicated.   
  


“can you send me your location, yohan-ah? i’ll come and get you.” the response slows yohan’s racing heart, but he still feels a few tears spill over, perhaps in relief. he shakily pulls the phone from his ear and texts seungwoo the bar’s address. there’s some rustling on the other end of the line and the sound of a notification before seungwoo’s voice returns. “i’ll be there in fifteen minutes. if he tries anything tell him i’m on my way.”

“o-okay. thank you hyung.”

“no need for that.” 

the next fifteen minutes are perhaps the most agonizing of yohan’s life, but they are at least uneventful. yohan finishes the beer in front of him, sitting as still as possible in his seat as if that will somehow make kookheon forget about him. lost in his effort to remain invisible, yohan misses the bell above the door ringing as someone enters the bar. 

seungwoo quickly surveys the room, taken aback at its near silence. there’s only a handful of people seated inside and kookheon, decidedly, is not one of them. 

yohan is though, and seungwoo closes the distance between them in just a few strides. the younger turns to him with watery eyes and a quivering lip. 

_“hyung.”_

“let’s get you home.” seungwoo sighs, sliding a hand around yohan’s waist to pull the younger off of his bar stool. yohan protests lightly, but seungwoo assures him that kookheon won’t hurt anyone, deciding to momentarily forego the information that kookheon is not even in the room. seungwoo briefly wonders how many beers the younger has downed. he manages to guide yohan to his feet and briefly nods at the bartender, who is likely relieved to have his hands free of the boy.

“you shouldn’t have been drinking by yourself yohan-ah.” seungwoo chides as he settles yohan in the passenger seat of his car.

“can’t tell me what to do.” the younger grumbles. 

“you were pleading for my help twenty minutes ago and now i can’t tell you what to do?” 

“no.” yohan quips before crossing his arms over his chest and turning silent. seungwoo decides not to push any further for the time being, quietly navigating the way back to his apartment. he knows yohan’s home isn’t far from where they are, but the idea of dragging a smashed yohan into bed before his parents quickly makes the decision as to their final destination. 

“s’not my house.” yohan remarks as they pull into an underground lot, squinting out the window. the elder simply hums in affirmation. still swaying, yohan leans his back into seungwoo’s chest as they ride the elevator. the feeling barely registers in yohan’s drunken mind, and he silently wishes he was sober enough to commit every detail to memory. 

once inside, seungwoo sits yohan down on the plush grey couch matching the other monochrome furniture in the room. yohan can’t muster up any adjectives other than pretty and expensive to describe the apartment but he thinks that’s fitting for someone like seungwoo. someone who could never want plain and simple yohan.

without yohan even realizing he’d gone, seungwoo returns to the living room with a glass of water. 

“when was the last time you ate?” seungwoo asks as the younger accepts his drink with unsteady hands.

“breakfast.” yohan mumbles.

“no wonder.” pulling out his phone, seungwoo thumbs through a delivery app. “we’ll have something to eat and then i’ll take you home, okay?” the mention of food sends yohan’s stomach into an unwilling fit, and before he knows it he's jolting up from the couch with a hand over his mouth. 

“oh fuck.” seungwoo curses as he looks up. “first door on the left.” a moment later he’s met with the sound of yohan’s knees hitting the floor followed by retching that sets his own stomach on edge. but seungwoo’s gone too far to act like he doesn’t care now, so he follows. yohan’s shaking frame is hunched over the toilet and seungwoo brings a hand down to rub at the small of his back. he throws up once more while seungwoo gently tells him _‘it’ll be alright’._ stomach now empty and throat raw, yohan slumps against the bathroom wall. of all the visions he’d had of being on his knees in front of seungwoo again, drunken vomiting in the elder’s apartment really wasn’t one of them. 

“m’sorry hyung.” yohan admits, voice small. seungwoo’s kneeling next to him, but it doesn’t make yohan feel like they’re any closer to being equals. hot tears sting at the corners of his eyes when he thinks of how he must look to seungwoo right now. a stupid kid, so desperate for seungwoo’s attention that he called him in a drunken fit of paranoia. 

“it’s okay baby.” the tears only fall faster. why on earth is seungwoo being kind to him? yohan already knew he was unwanted, but now he’s thrown himself onto seungwoo in the most burdensome of ways. “let’s get you cleaned up.” the younger groans in embarrassment at the mess down the front of his shirt. 

“wait here, okay? i’ll get you something to change into.” yohan can only nod, too overcome with frustration at himself, at seungwoo, at this whole situation to protest. if seungwoo wants to take care of him yohan may as well let it happen, no matter how much it makes his heart ache. he clearly needs it.

again, seungwoo returns in the blink of an eye, two black pieces of fabric in hand. yohan scrunches his nose in protest when the elder begins tugging at his soiled top, but ultimately raises his arms for seungwoo to pull the shirt off his body. the younger’s heartbeat is thrumming so loudly in his ears that he misses the surprised exhale seungwoo lets out upon seeing the defined ridges of yohan’s abs. now is _not_ the time, seungwoo reminds himself.

“wear these yohan-ah. you’ll feel better.” seungwoo sets the fresh clothing in yohan’s lap before rising to his feet. “i’ll put your shirt in the wash.” 

it takes yohan far longer than he knows it should to get dressed but his balance is unsteady and his mind is racing and he _really_ doesn’t know what to do when faced with seungwoo again.

the elder is sitting on the couch when yohan quietly pads out of the bathroom, dressed in seungwoo’s shirt and sweats. there isn’t much of a height difference between them, but the oversized style of the top still makes yohan’s head swim with it’s warmth and faint smell of cologne. wordlessly, yohan joins seungwoo on the couch, drawing his knees into his chest. 

“you still need to eat baby. i ordered some-”

“stop calling me that.” yohan cuts seungwoo off. his position doesn’t help how small the clothes make yohan look and seungwoo’s chest aches a little at the sight. 

“you’re the one that called me.” it’s a simple observation, but as soon as the words hang in the air seungwoo realizes how harsh they sound. 

“couldn’t think of anyone else.” yohan sniffles. “s’not like i needed you.” sighing, seungwoo runs a hand through his hair. 

“are you still angry with me yohan-ah?”

“no shit.” the younger grumbles as he rests his chin on his knees. 

seungwoo had been expecting as much. he knows what he did to yohan was unfair, especially after the night they spent together. but pushing yohan away was the only way seungwoo could think to protect him. if he let yohan stay, it was just a matter of time before he learned of the things seungwoo’s done or, worse, had the same things happen to him. for yohan’s sake, seungwoo’s only choice was to let him go. 

yet, in some twist of fate that may be cruel or kind, here they are again. this time, seungwoo’s taking whatever kind of hint fate is trying to give him. 

“i don’t blame you.” seungwoo softens his voice and relaxes into the couch. he wants yohan to know that whatever kind of anger the younger is feeling, it’s not reciprocated. at the moment the only thing seungwoo feels is guilt, and that same tugging desire to make yohan smile as on the first day they met.

“why’d you come if you don’t like me?” yohan asks, still refusing to meet seungwoo’s gaze.

“you think i don’t like you?”

“you said you n-never wanted to see me again.”

“i said i _couldn’t_ see you again yohan-ah. there was never a lack of want.” 

finally, yohan looks up with those big, glassy eyes that seungwoo adores so much. stress and exhaustion are still written across his features, but at least he’s acknowledged seungwoo’s sincerity. for a moment the younger stays silent, so seungwoo decides to continue. 

“from the moment i saw you, i wanted you. so much that it scared me. it doesn’t take much to tell what a good person you are yohan-ah, far too good for me. you deserve happiness and while i’d love to give it to you, i can’t. at least not without the cost of your safety and sense of normalcy.” 

yohan’s fully turned himself towards seungwoo now, bottom lip quivering and eyebrows knitted together as he takes in the elder’s words.

“did you ever think about what i want?” he asks, barely above a whisper. 

“i needed to hear you say it.”

“you, hyung. i want you.” yohan leans forward and seungwoo can feel the shaky exhale the younger takes before pressing their lips together. it’s not hurried even though both of them have been waiting for this for weeks. seungwoo grazes his teeth along yohan’s lower lip, if only to hear the soft noise of surprise he lets out. the lingering alcohol and seungwoo’s hand on his hip makes yohan feel like he’s floating, so he climbs into seungwoo’s lap to ground himself. 

“i trust you to protect me.” yohan murmurs, barely pulling away from seungwoo’s lips long enough to get the words out. “and i can fend for myself too, you know.” 

“mm, that you can angel.” seungwoo hums, biting at yohan’s lip again. the words make yohan melt, sinking deeper into seungwoo’s hold unconsciously. his hips rut forward in spite of himself. “hold on yohan-ah.” seungwoo tuts, grip tightening on yohan’s hip. “not now.” 

“ _why?”_ yohan whines as he grips the hem of seungwoo’s button up.

“you’re still drunk.”

“but i want-” seungwoo breathes his next words against the shell of yohan’s ear.

“not now. when i fuck you for the first time i want you to remember every second of it.” the statement draws a small gasp from yohan as he shrinks away from seungwoo ever so slightly. seungwoo chuckles softly. “you won’t have to wait long baby, promise.” he soothes yohan with a kiss against the younger’s forehead. 

the rest of the night is a bit of a blur to yohan. he still feels like he’s floating while seungwoo portions out jokbal and kimchi jeon for him from their styrofoam containers. somewhere along the line yohan remembers to text his parents (he’s at jinhyuk’s) and his coach (terrible stomach bug, can’t train tomorrow) because seungwoo’s offered his bed for the night and there’s not a chance of yohan passing that up.

there’s enough space for the two of them to spread out and then some, making yohan’s heart catch at the thought of seungwoo spending his nights alone. he purposefully ignores any alternatives in which seungwoo isn’t by himself.

“do you need any more blankets, yohan-ah?” seungwoo calls from the bathroom.

“it’s august hyung.” yohan replies, having already settled himself on the plush mattress.

“just checking.” the elder concedes, knowing he really can’t stall any longer.

finally, yohan feels the bed dip next to him. the younger is sober by this point, but a soft flush remains on his cheeks as he watches a shirtless seungwoo make himself comfortable. his eyes gently trace the tattoos he’s only had glimpses of before. the elegant fonts and dark ink compliment seungwoo’s pale skin so well, it makes yohan’s head spin a little. 

softly, he reaches out his forefinger to drag along seungwoo’s collarbone and the cursive that sits there. the air between them is already heavy, filled only with the sound of seungwoo’s ragged breathing. he has to physically restrain himself from pinning yohan against the sheets, hands balled into fists at his side. until they aren’t. 

“angel.” in one swift movement, seungwoo takes yohan’s hand from his chest to above their heads. yohan stares up at seungwoo from where he is now caged below the elder, eyes wide and if seungwoo’s not mistaken, pleading. “you want this?” 

“so bad.” yohan admits, voice already watery, and that’s all the confirmation seungwoo needs. he is going to be _so_ fucking selfish. 

“gonna make you feel so good yohan-ah.” seungwoo breathes against the skin of yohan’s plush thighs. he’s got the younger on his knees now, ass raised high in the air. for how badly the suggestion made yohan tremble, seungwoo was surprised at how quickly he agreed to being eaten out. it’s been ages since seungwoo felt so giving, but yohan is undoubtedly worth it.

_“oh.”_ a shaky exhale escapes yohan’s lips as seungwoo finally leans in to press a kiss against his waiting hole. yohan’s responsiveness to every one of seungwoo’s movements only pushes the elder further, more than eager to make his partner feel good. 

seungwoo works up a rhythm, alternating between sucking at yohan’s rim and fucking his tongue inside the warmth just beyond it. his cock is already half hard with the thought of feeling yohan’s tight hole around him. 

“pretty.” seungwoo exhales, always in awe of yohan. he pulls back a little to admire the flush spread across yohan’s skin and the way the younger’s cock is dripping onto the sheets from where it hangs. there’s a visible tremble in yohan’s thighs as well from having to support himself. 

“h-hyung?” yohan calls, searching for seungwoo’s touch after only a moment apart. the elder simply hums, pressing a kiss to yohan's shoulder blade. “can you fuck me now?” naturally, seungwoo doesn’t have it in him to deny such a request. 

“of course angel.” the elder laughs softly. “you gonna be good for me?” seungwoo finally strips away his sweats to match yohan’s state of undress. mind already hazy, yohan nearly misses the question, but he manages a nod in response. there’s some shuffling behind him before he feels seungwoo’s presence once again. 

if he was dizzy before, the feeling of seungwoo’s cock pressing against his ass sends yohan spiralling. seungwoo huffs a laugh at the visible shudder that runs through the younger. “eager?” 

“s-stop teasing.” clearly missing the message, seungwoo traces a fingertip around yohan’s fluttering hole.

“that’s not your call to make, baby.” he tells yohan with a low voice. “you said you would be good for me, which means you’ll take what i give you.” suddenly, seungwoo’s cock replaces his finger with the same feather light pressure against yohan’s rim. “and you’ll be thankful for it.” 

yohan doubted seungwoo could show such restraint given their last night together, but the achingly slow pace with which seungwoo pushes into him evidently says otherwise. once seungwoo’s hips are flush against the younger’s ass, it takes yohan a moment to realize that he’s stopped moving entirely.

“ _hyung.”_ yohan pants out, breathing already erratic.

“what did i say yohan-ah?” in comparison seungwoo’s voice is calm and even as ever. god, yohan can’t even remember the last thing he said, let alone seungwoo. there’s little else in his mind aside from the feeling of seungwoo’s cock stretching him open, but yohan musters whatever focus remains to find the words that will get seungwoo to move again. only one possibility arises, so yohan _really_ hopes it’s the right one.

“thank you seungwoo hyung, thank you.”

“good boy. want my cock so bad, huh?” already knowing the answer, seungwoo doesn’t wait for yohan’s response. instead, he starts fucking into yohan at a steady but forceful place, each push sending the sound of skin on skin echoing around seungwoo’s room. the echoes mix with the breathy moans seungwoo is punching out of yohan. as badly as seungwoo wanted to hear those sounds, he quickly finds the desire to watch yohan come undone overwhelm him. 

“can you ride me baby?” seungwoo asks, letting go of his tight grip on yohan’s hips. blinking, yohan turns back to face seungwoo and _fuck_ he’s a mess. his cheeks are flushed twice as dark as seungwoo’s ever seen and there’s a trail of drool smeared across his cheek from being pushed into the pillows. 

the younger nods determinedly and lets seungwoo position them so yohan is seated in his lap. with shaking thighs yohan lifts himself, taking all of seungwoo’s cock at once when he sits back down.

“so good for me.” seungwoo whispers as he mouths at yohan’s collarbone, returning his hands to the younger’s hips. yohan tries to move as steadily as he can, and for a while manages it, until seungwoo’s words once again throw any concentration he had out the window. 

“what a good bunny. bouncing all cute on hyung’s cock.” yohan’s hip stutter immediately, a soft mewl falling from his plush lips. between them, yohan’s cock leaks even more precome onto seungwoo’s abdomen. “you need to come?” 

again, the only response yohan can manage is a nod. he prays seungwoo will let him off easy, but the second he feels two fingers closing around the base of his cock yohan can’t help but let out another whine.

“wait for me angel.” seungwoo chokes out, finally sounding affected by all of this. yohan’s lost his rythym by now, so seungwoo takes it upon himself to fuck up harshly into the younger. mindless pleas spill from yohan. he’s completely lost in the feeling of seungwoo filling him and touching him, the sound of seungwoo's moans, and the faint smell of his cologne in the sheets. everything about seungwoo is all yohan could want. 

the second seungwoo’s hips falter he releases yohan’s cock, and that’s all it takes. yohan falls forward to the crook of seungwoo’s neck as he comes undone, rutting his hips weakly as he spills all over his own cock. the sight pushes seungwoo over the edge and he comes into the condom with a low curse. his grip stays locked onto yohan though, not letting the younger go until they’re both completely spent. 

“hyung.” yohan whispers, lips mindlessly tracing seungwoo’s jaw. 

“mm?”

“thank you.”

***

  
  


it takes yohan a few moments after waking up to remember whose bed he’s in. he’s alone, but the sunlight reflecting off of the han river into the spacious room tells him all he needs to know. as a habit, yohan picks up his phone and is met with only one message.

the timestamp says 15 minutes ago, so yohan drags himself out of bed despite the aching protest of his hips. as he pads into the living room, yohan is met with the sound of a keypad being pressed and soon after, the glorious sight of a bare faced seungwoo. the elder tugs away his mask to smile softly at yohan, still blinking his eyes against the late morning light. 

“morning princess.” seungwoo hums, taking a seat on the couch and motioning for yohan to do the same. 

“m’not a princess.” the younger whines.

“are you sure? you looked a lot like sleeping beauty when i left.” seungwoo fully expects the punch on the arm he receives, but the innocent blush on yohan’s cheeks is worth it. there’s a moment of silence as yohan sips his americano.

“do you have to...work today?” he asks to sate his curiosity. seungwoo juts out his lower lip and shakes his head.

“not if i don’t want to.” truthfully, there were only a handful of calls and forms seungwoo had to attend to every week, being at the position he is. even seungyoun and hangyul had little contact with their runners and dealers, making them somewhat of a last resort when matters on the ground went awry. “and i’d really rather spend the day marking you up some more.” seungwoo admits into the crook of yohan’s neck.

“ _ah._ h-”

“hyung!” yes, that’s what yohan meant to say, but the words didn’t come from him. “and yohannie! it’s about time i found you here.” 

“seungyoun. i gave you my passcode for _emergencies_.” both seungwoo and yohan turn towards the front door, where seungyoun had entered unbeknownst to them. 

“this is...” seungyoun huffs. “very important.” seungwoo sighs and nods his head towards the kitchen. the action makes yohan feel like a child, excluded from a conversation clearly far too weighted for him. seungyoun and seungwoo lower their voices as they lean against the kitchen counter, but if yohan holds his breath he can draw meaning from their hushed tones.

“what is it?” seungwoo asks, already drained. he’s heard rumours of the port tightening security, and he knows one of their suppliers is- seungyoun cuts off seungwoo’s train of thought with the last words he’d expected, or wanted, to hear.

“byungchan’s back.”

  
  



	4. all i wanted was to sleep next to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! sorry about the wait for this chapter but i hope you all enjoy ♡  
> also as a note, there is no major character death in this chapter but as i've decided on the ending i wanted to put the warning up now in case anyone is really averse to it so that they can stop reading now.

august passes far too quickly for yohan’s liking. he’s still riding the high of placing first in nationals when the inundation of greeting emails from his professors serves as a harsh reminder of the fact that he has one week of vacation left. 

“what do you mean you don’t have housing?” wooseok looks up from his coffee, confusion written across his small features.

“i missed the application deadline.” embarrassed, yohan rubs the back of his neck. “it’s fine, hyung. the commute from my parent’s house isn’t that far.” 

“you say that now.” the elder pouts a little. “just take care, okay? don’t push yourself too hard.” 

“yes wooseokie.” a chime from yohan’s phone attracts his attention, making him miss the way wooseok’s ears have turned pink.

“watch it.” wooseok mumbles, nowhere near intimidating. he’s staring into his cup, so he also misses the way yohan lights up at the message on his screen.

“seungwoo’s here.” the younger announces softly. wooseok grabs his bag in time with yohan, intending on walking him outside. 

“everything’s good with you two?” he asks as the pair descend to the first floor of the cafe. 

“yeah,” yohan replies, caught in between being flustered and proud. “it’s our one month today.” when wooseok remains quiet for a moment, the younger quickly backtracks. “it’s stupid, i know. what’s a month?” 

“it’s not stupid, yohan. you’re-” the words catch in wooseok’s throat for a second when he sees seungwoo’s silhouette through his passenger window. “you’re allowed to be happy.” 

“thank you, hyung.” yohan smiles earnestly and pats wooseok’s shoulder before sliding into the passenger seat. as seungwoo retracts his arms from opening the door for yohan, the length of scar tissue on his forearm catches in the light. 

“i love all dogs except for the one that did that to you.” yohan huffs, thumbing over the old wound lovingly. seungwoo laughs. it’s been long enough that he’s no longer self conscious of the mark and yohan seems amused by it, the fact that the only thing able to mar a gang leader’s body was a puppy. 

“how’s wooseok doing?” seungwoo asks, speaking for the first time since they got on the expressway. 

“good.” yohan hums as he fiddles with the radio. “nagging as always.” that gets an honest laugh out of seungwoo.

“sounds like you usually give him a reason to nag though, angel.” 

“you’re supposed to be on my side.” yohan pouts over at his boyfriend. “but i did miss my residence application deadline.” 

“what? yohan-ah, doesn’t school start in a week?” seungwoo asks, voice suddenly full of concern.

“i’ll commute, it’s alright. i can review my notes on the train.” the elder only hums.

***

the sun is still high enough in the sky by the time they finish dinner that seungwoo decides to make one more stop. they’re already a ways outside seoul, seungwoo preferring the relative quiet of somewhere like cheongpyeong when he can manage it. there’s cafes scattered along the riverside as they drive. to yohan, seungwoo picks one at random, though it’s anything but. 

“seungwoo!” a voice calls as they approach the quaint takeout window. a woman about the age of yohan’s mom lifts part of the counter to step out towards them. seungwoo bows his head in greeting, but the woman waves him off. instead she wraps her arms around seungwoo, who towers over her by nearly a foot. “it’s been so long.” 

“i know, i know. i’m sorry.” 

yohan quietly watches the exchange from the side. he’s caught off guard when the attention suddenly shifts in his direction.

“and who’s this?” the woman smiles warmly at yohan. for some reason, yohan is brought back to that day at the tournament. but this time, with seungwoo’s hand gently wrapping around his hip, yohan doesn’t feel any discomfort. it’s warm and right and he can’t help but lean into the touch.

“this is yohan.” that statement is all that’s needed for the woman to open her arms to yohan as well, which he accepts shyly. “yohan, this is dodam. she owns the cafe.” 

“no.” dodam wags her finger at seungwoo. “you own it, i run it.” for the moment, seungwoo ignores the puzzled look that cross yohan’s features. 

“can we have two americanos?” he smiles, leading yohan to the seats along the water by his waist. there’s two long benches on either side of the table, but they choose to sit side by side. yohan takes a moment to admire the way the setting sun casts a warm glow over the river and the hills surrounding it.

“you really own this place?” he looks up at seungwoo suddenly. the elder nods.

“i came here often when i first moved to seoul. a few years ago, dodam told me her landlord was selling the property and she’d have to close. i just made him a better offer.” 

“you big softie.” yohan murmurs as he tucks himself further into seungwoo’s side. the pair remains silent until dodam arrives with two steaming mugs and a plate stacked high with every shade of macaron. 

“enjoy.” she sing songs, placing the tray in front of seungwoo. the two chorus their thanks at once. leaning forward, yohan plucks a chocolate macaron off the plate whereas seungwoo opts for a light pink one. 

yohan is content, perhaps more so than he’s ever been, in this moment. the warmth in the air and of having seungwoo next to him is a feeling he wishes he could revel in forever. but summer is coming to an end, and yohan can’t help but wonder if seungwoo’s infatuation with him is as well. until he speaks.

“why don’t you move in with me?” 

“sorry?” yohan asks, genuinely believing he misheard.

“i’m a little closer to your university, and i’ll drive you when i can.” 

“wh- i can’t ask you to do that hyung.” of course yohan’s first instinct is to reject the offer. it’s kind, undoubtedly, but how would he explain it to his parents? or worse, wooseok? 

“i’m the one asking, angel.” seungwoo replies, casting a soft glance down at yohan. he can practically see the gears turning in the younger’s head as he worries his lip out of habit. “just think it over, okay? you’d have your own room. i can even get seungyoun and hangyul to help you move.” 

“i’ll think about it.” yohan nods. 

they’re driving home, only a few blocks away from yohan’s house when the younger gives his answer. 

“i’d like to move in.” he announces matter of factly, derailing their conversation from its previous topic of go-to karaoke songs. 

“really?” seungwoo grins. there might have been a self-serving part of him that first conjured up the idea of asking yohan to live with him, but seungwoo figures it can be overshadowed or perhaps illuminated by the more altruistic side to the invitation. that’s clearly the way yohan chose to see it.

“on one condition.”

“which is?”

“i don’t want my own room.” or maybe not. seungwoo laughs, taken aback slightly. he lifts his right hand from the steering wheel and intertwines it with yohan’s.

“you don’t? what do you want then?” they both know seungwoo would never harm a hair on yohan’s head, but he has no qualms with teasing the younger at every given opportunity.

“hyung.” yohan whines. “i want to stay with you.” seungwoo hums, squeezing yohan’s hand in his own. 

“i think i can make that work. how’s saturday then?” yohan agrees as seungwoo pulls up to the curb. it’s a familiar routine by now, but saying goodbye is a little easier this time knowing it will be one of the last. 

yohan tiptoes to his room, his parents already asleep. they’ve caught onto the fact that he’s seeing someone by now, but yohan’s kept the extent of their knowledge to that. he’ll work out how to tell them about moving in the morning.

for now, he simply washes up, swaps his jeans for joggers, and slips into bed. though he’s never been one to share much of his private life, yohan can’t help but open up instagram. 

satisfied, yohan locks his phone and moves to place it on his nightstand. instantly though, it lights up again with the notification of a comment. 

yohan had more or less forgotten about the mystery account until this moment. now, curiosity getting the better of him, he finally clicks on the username. 

byungchan? yohan didn’t know a byungchan. but he’s heard the name, and the worried, hushed tones with which it was spoken sets him on edge. surely it isn’t the same person? surely, but yohan figures it can’t hurt to ask. knowing seungyoun will give him a more honest answer, he texts his number first.

twenty minutes away, seungwoo is brushing his teeth when his phone lights up with seungyoun’s contact photo. he sighs, figuring it's yet another pocket dial.

“youn?”

“hyung, we’re in trouble.”

“when aren’t we?” seungyoun would laugh if it wasn’t for the pure panic rendering him motionless.

“byungchan’s...found yohan.” seungwoo swears he sees red, a vignette of crimson obscuring his vision as he remembers the year byungchan spent making his life a living hell. _why_ wasn’t that enough for him? what more could he possibly want?

“how do you know?” seungwoo’s not used to having to fight so hard to keep his voice steady. 

“he’s followed yohan’s instagram. i don’t know what the fuck he’s planning but you need to warn yohan to stay away from him.”

god, seungwoo groans. he’d been a fool to think byungchan would forget about him. byungchan was a petulant child, throwing fits on the level of national scandals to get what he wanted. he’d gotten seungwoo before, and the elder didn’t doubt his ability to do it again. 

of course, seungwoo was partly to blame for the first time. he let byungchan cling to him, if only to have someone around. despite having more money and authority than he sensibly knew what to do with, seungwoo was numb. byungchan made him feel something. even if it was only anger. 

they’d started as a hookup, commonplace for seungwoo at the time. byungchan was bright, amicable, easy to laugh with. it lulled seungwoo into making the mistake of inviting him back the next night. from then, byungchan wouldn’t let go. 

despite his demure facade, byungchan was smart. it only took him a matter of days to find out who seungwoo was and what he did, a fact that the elder had managed to hide from much of his family and friends in busan. 

on the opposite end, byungchan made it clear to seungwoo who he was once he knew the leverage it would earn him. byungchan was the son of a high ranking foreign affairs minister, recently assigned to a task force interested in stemming the flow of drugs into the country. now that he found himself in bed with the man directing a sizeable portion of those imports, byungchan wasn’t going to let it go to waste. 

if seungwoo claimed he was too busy to go out to dinner or too tired to fuck, byungchan would pull up his father’s number. he had a variety of messages drafted, but they were all some play on seungwoo’s name, his address, and a detail about a recent seizure unreleased to the public for the effect of being taken seriously. 

it was seungwoo’s fault for leaving his office unlocked, for letting byungchan use his phone, and for being so desperate to feel something that his retaliation was often little more than empty threats of leaving byungchan. 

his salvation came when byungchan was shipped off by his parents to study abroad. apparently, they were concerned by his tendency to spend weeks away from home with all sorts of unsavoury characters, as they rightfully should have been. claiming he didn’t want to be “tied down” byungchan let seungwoo go. as soon as the door shut behind him, seungwoo exhaled for the first time in a year, expanded his lungs and let them along with his whole body take up space once again. 

the numbness still lingered, but understandably seungwoo stopped finding solace in the bodies of boys and girls whose names he wouldn’t remember in the morning. he threw himself into his work, which was a saving grace in that it brought him closer to seungyoun and hangyul than ever before. and this in turn, brought him to yohan. 

just like that the numbness was gone. every nerve ending in seungwoo’s body suddenly burned with the need to touch, to know, and to love the boy in front of him.

“yohan-ah?” seungwoo exhales as soon as he hears the click of his call being answered. 

“hyung, what’s going on? why didn’t seungyoun hyung reply to me?” he can’t stand to hear the panic and confusion in yohan’s voice, but there’s also no easy way of explaining things to him. 

“everything’s okay. i’m sorry for scaring you baby.” 

“who is that person?” yohan’s voice is a little calmer now, but still small. he hears seungwoo exhale into the receiver.

“it’s a very long story.”

“tell me.” yohan replies without hesitation.

“i will, tomorrow.”

“no, now. you can’t just call me all me freaked out and then pretend everything’s okay.” this is the first time yohan’s raised his voice at seungwoo and he hates it, hates the way his voice breaks before he can even finish his sentence.

“okay.” seungwoo replies softly. he doesn’t talk about that year. not with hangyul, not with seungyoun, not even with himself. seungwoo had been hoping for a little more time to work up to recounting the events out loud. at this moment though, there’s something that scares him even more than telling the truth and that’s hurting yohan. “byungchan and i used to date.” 

from there, the words flow far easier than seungwoo had expected. he tells yohan everything, the night they met, the callous threats that slowly escalated into shouting matches, the hopelessness that had consumed seungwoo, and finally the relief of seeing byungchan’s one way ticket to paris. it more or less follows a natural chronological order, except for one event. it happened about eight months in, but seungwoo leaves it for the end wondering if he’ll have the strength to speak about it by then, if at all. in the pause before he tries, yohan takes his chance. 

“hyung, i-i’m sorry. i had no idea.”

“it’s okay, yohan-ah. it feels good to tell you.” seungwoo lets out a shaky exhale before carrying on. “can i say one more thing?”

“of course.”

“that scar on my arm.” yohan’s heart drops. 

“what about it?”

“it’s not from a dog.” 

seungwoo still can’t pinpoint what set byungchan off that day. all seungwoo remembers clearly is coming home to find the younger trembling on the kitchen floor, knife parallel to his left wrist. 

“i was so terrified i lunged for the knife without thinking. he pulled back, screaming about how it was my fault, and-“ the words fade, but they don’t need to be said. “it was a wake up call. i tried to get him help after that but he refused. he’d found something else he could use against me and god knows he wouldn’t give it up.” 

“that sounds like a nightmare.” seungwoo only hums. “so, he’s back in seoul now?” so caught up in the past, seungwoo had forgotten why the call began in the first place. 

“apparently, yes. but i promise i won’t let him near you.”

“what about you?” their roles have practically switched now, yohan speaking calmly as he works to rationalize with and comfort seungwoo.

“what about me?” 

“i don’t know if anyone’s ever said it this bluntly, but that was an abusive relationship hyung. byungchan shouldn’t be near you either, for both of your sakes.” 

“he’s capable of a lot more than you’d think, yohan-ah.” 

“so are you.” the simple statement makes seungwoo huff out a laugh. “you can keep him from coming back into your life.” admittedly, seungwoo’s idea of capability had a lot more to do with political pull and limitless credit cards. the way yohan speaks makes it clear that none of this crossed his mind. yohan thinks seungwoo is capable simply because he is good and strong and deserving of happiness. 

“thank you.” the words are so small yohan nearly misses them. 

“i’m here for you.”

“thank you angel. i’m sorry for keeping you up so late. get some rest.” yes, yohan’s eyelids feel weighted, but the last thing he wants to do right now is hang up.

“can you stay on the line?” yohan asks, though he’s unsure if it’s for him or seungwoo.

“of course. goodnight yohan.”

“goodnight hyung.” placing his phone next to his pillow, yohan lets the soft sound of seungwoo’s breathing lull him into a dreamless sleep. 

***

seungwoo can’t decide what’s worse, waiting for byungchan to inevitably contact him or the dread that will fill him when it finally happens. he knows having yohan by his side will relieve some of the anxiety though. saturday can’t come fast enough. 

“hyung, did you get my backpack?” yohan calls into the hallway. true to his word, seungwoo had sent seungyoun and hangyul to collect yohan’s things, even though that really only consisted of one suitcase and a few small boxes. 

“it’s in the car yohannie.” seungyoun replies from the front door. satisfied, yohan surveys his now more or less empty room. his parents believe he’s taking over the lease on an apartment from a friend who was awarded an internship last minute. as well, he’d insisted on using the prize money from his summer tournaments to pay for the non-existent rent. 

“get out of the fridge, gyul.” yohan hears seungyoun scolding the youngest of them. a moment later, hangyul appears by their side, biting into one of the peaches yohan’s mother bought that morning. 

they manage to carry everything up from hangyul’s suv to the apartment in one go. maybe it’s because the building is now his home, or maybe it’s because seungwoo isn’t here holding all of his attention like usual, but yohan finally takes notice of the extensive security measures required to enter the parkade, the elevator, and the apartment. 

it’s quiet when they enter. 

“hyung?” seungyoun takes the liberty of calling out. 

“he’s gone out.” yohan answers softly, eyes immediately drawn to the sticky note on the fridge door. it was always seungwoo’s ways of leaving a message for yohan if he left before the younger awoke. 

_Went out to get a few things - should be back by 4._

_Welcome home angel x_

yohan attempts to lift the note from its place before seungyoun or hangyul can see it, but of course the elder is too fast for him. immediately he turns his nose up in mock disgust.

“you’ve turned him soft yohannie.” yohan only smiles.

“do you want us to stay until he’s back?” hangyul asks, puppy eyes wide.

“i think i’m okay.” yohan answers. he motions to his small pile of belongings. it shouldn’t take him more than an hour to get settled.”thank you for your help.” 

both seungyoun and hangyul wave off the thanks before walking towards the door.

“um, hyung?” voice full of hesitation, yohan decides to call out. seungyoun spins on one heel, head tilted to the side in questioning. “do you know how seungwoo got his...” his words trail off and yohan gestures to the outside of his forearm.

“his scar? it was a dog bite. don’t worry about him.” hangyul nods in agreement. 

“oh. okay, thank you.” seungyoun knows there’s something more behind yohan’s soft eyes, but he decides to leave it for the time being.

“take care yohannie. say hi to hyung too.” 

yohan’s hanging up his uniform in the empty half of seungwoo’s closet when the front door clicks open.

“yohan-ah?” 

“i’m here.” the two words breathe a warmth into the house that seungwoo’s never known before. yohan comes padding out from the master bedroom, beaming at seungwoo and the grocery bags in his hands.

“i eat take out most of the time, so i thought i better.” he admits shyly, and the image of the high ranking gang member picking out apples in the produce section has yohan suppressing a giggle.

“thank you.” yohan replies, immediately moving to unpack one of the bags. seungwoo catches him before he can though, one hand resting on his waist as he lowers his lips to yohan’s.

“all unpacked?” yohan hums into seungwoo’s neck, not yet wanting to pull away from the position he’s now found himself in. “want to help me with dinner?” 

“depends on what we’re having.” the younger pulls back a little, curious eyes angled up at seungwoo.

“i’m not well versed in much besides fried rice.”

“i can do fried rice.” 

such is their life for the next few weeks. seungwoo spends long hours holed up in his office, but yohan usually uses the time to catch up on his schoolwork. he knows he can’t ask for too much when seungwoo is still there to drive yohan to school and eat dinner with him. despite seungwoo’s earlier reservations, things do feel normal to yohan. of course, seungwoo keeps yohan as far away from his work as possible, save for gentle warnings to not let anyone else in the building or give out seungwoo’s full name or go near the safe in seungwoo’s office. outside of moments like these and wrapped in the gentle warmth of seungwoo’s arms as he is now, yohan all but forgets what the elder does for a living. 

seungwoo, yohan realizes amusedly, has already fallen asleep. his breathing against the back of yohan’s neck is soft and even, his hands tight around the younger’s waist. there’s still twenty or so minutes in the drama playing on yohan’s phone, but he decides to pick it up in the morning. just as he settles back into seungwoo’s chest, the steady breathing behind him turns to a gasping inhale. 

“put it down.” the words shock yohan. he had been so sure seungwoo was asleep. apparently that isn’t the case though as yohan feels seungwoo jerking his arm back roughly from beneath yohan.

“hyung, wait. i’ll move.” yohan pushes himself up on one arm, only for seungwoo to jolt up at the same time.

“stop it. put the knife down.” seungwoo speaks, firmer and louder this time. there’s sweat beading across seungwoo’s neck and shoulders and yohan finally realizes what’s going on. his hands reach out to grab seungwoo’s arms before stopping, unsure of the best way to console him.

“hyung, please wake up.” he calls, but it’s too quiet. 

“this isn’t my fault.” seungwoo whimpers. “just let go of the knife, please.”

“seungwoo hyung!” yohan tries again, panic rising in his chest by the second. this time, when seungwoo’s arms thrash out yohan’s there to hold him steady. “it’s just a dream. it’s okay.”

“please.” seungwoo begs again. 

“it’s just me, hyung. it’s yohan. you’re safe.” a moment of silence follows, interrupted only by seungwoo’s heavy panting. beneath his fingertips, yohan feels seungwoo’s muscles relax. “it’s all okay, i promise.” 

“yohan?” it takes a moment for seungwoo to put two and two together, given yohan’s concerned expression and the slight tremors still wracking his body. “was i...?” the episodes are still a bit of a mystery to seungwoo. he doesn’t remember most of them, and only came to fully acknowledge them when seungyoun crashed on his couch one night. he’d awoken to shouting and promptly sprinted into seungwoo’s room and managed to bring him back to reality much like yohan was now. 

“you were having a nightmare, i think.” yohan informs seungwoo, almost regretfully. 

“god, i’m sorry. i thought they’d stopped. i should have warned you..” even in a moment like this, seungwoo tries to take the blame. yohan’s perhaps the first to stop him from doing so though, instead assuring seungwoo that everything is alright. 

“thank you.” seungwoo whispers as he pulls yohan into his chest. the younger draws comforting circles on seungwoo’s back until sleep overtakes both of them. 

it’s not mentioned in the morning. yohan knows there’s a good chance seungwoo simply doesn’t remember the incident, but that doesn’t help it sit any better with him. there’s one thing that churns his stomach more than any other though. _i thought they’d stopped_. it’s not lost on yohan that the episode was, at least to some degree, trauma induced. the memories that seungwoo thought he’d buried were being dug up again now that he and byungchan were in the same city.

yohan’s not sure what he can do to make up for the lingering pain of that time in seungwoo’s life, but for now he’ll settle for tucking himself into seungwoo’s side as they waste away a sunday morning in each other’s arms.

  
  



	5. do i even have the right to be sad?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe we're drawing close to the end of this work! thank you so much to everyone who has read, left kudos, and commented ♡

as usual, seungwoo wakes first. it’s reflex for him to turn over and kiss yohan’s forehead, who is still sleeping peacefully by his side. yohan whimpers lightly as he does though, piquing seungwoo’s interest. without any prompting from seungwoo, yohan whimpers again. the soft and pleading noise clues seungwoo in to what’s going on.

“oh baby.” seungwoo laughs lightly under his breath. to satisfy his curiosity, he lifts the blankets away from yohan’s lower half. he’s not surprised, and certainly not disappointed, to see yohan rubbing his thighs together cutely. his cock’s also made a visible wet patch on the front of his too-tight shorts. 

seungwoo muses to himself over what yohan could be dreaming about. it could be their last time together, when seungwoo ate yohan out for hours with his hands bound to the headboard in blood red ribbon. or it could be yohan getting fucked in his favourite position, bouncing on seungwoo’s lap while bundled in his lover’s arms. either way, seungwoo knows he doesn’t have the self restraint to leave yohan hanging for long. 

they’ve been in this scenario before, though it’s always been planned. yohan would purposefully go to bed an hour or two early, so that he could wake up in the warm haze of being filled by seungwoo. he’d admitted though, shyly and with plenty of coaxing, that seungwoo didn’t always have to ask. the notion had seungwoo caught between affection over the fact that yohan trusts him enough to be treated like a toy, and lust because  _ yohan trusts him enough to be treated like a toy.  _

carefully, seungwoo pulls the covers the rest of the way down. yohan shudders slightly at the rush of cold air, but otherwise remains still. there’s only a moment of hesitation before seungwoo brings a hand down to lazily brush his knuckles along the outline of yohan’s cock. the soft whimpers from yohan spur seungwoo on, and it’s not long before he’s loosening the drawstring on yohan’s shorts. 

“poor thing.” seungwoo coos as he tugs the fabric down as gently as possible, bringing yohan’s leaking cock into view. he knows yohan will be a little loose from the night before, knows he’ll be able to slip in without trouble. 

yohan mewls a little when seungwoo finally does. it had only taken him a few minutes and a loose grip to get fully hard. as badly as he misses yohan meeting his eyes or parting his lips for a kiss, seeing the way yohan’s brow furrows unconsciously everytime he pushes in a little deeper is turning seungwoo on in a whole new way. 

seungwoo grasps yohan’s hips as gently as he can, intending on keeping him blissfully ignorant for as long as possible. it’s not a position he often takes yohan in, with the younger lying on his back, but it gives seungwoo the chance to study yohan’s features as they tense and relax with each of his movements. 

when yohan squirms without warning, seungwoo can’t help slipping in a little deeper than he intended. he lets out the loudest noise seungwoo’s heard from him all morning, and as if he shocked himself awake, yohan’s eyelids flutter open.

“hyung?” yohan asks in a small voice. seungwoo hushes him immediately.

“go back to sleep angel, it’s alright. i’ve got you.” 

the younger mewls again, but ultimately shuts his eyes after settling his hand on top of seungwoo’s. if he’s genuinely trying to sleep or not, seungwoo is too hazy to be sure. the innocence and confusion written across yohan’s features from the moment his eyes opened replays in seungwoo’s mind, pushing him to the edge dangerously fast. 

“hyung. mouth, please.” yohan calls out again. his eyes are still shut, but his grip on seungwoo’s hand tightens slightly.

“of course baby.” it’s a loss for seungwoo to pull out, of course. yohan quickly makes it up to him though by parting his lips, pink tongue peeking out from behind his bunny teeth. 

seungwoo is gone in one, two quick strokes of his cock. he fills yohan’s mouth just how he wanted, but it can’t be helped that a few drops spill over onto his lips and chin. 

“perfect for me angel, so perfect.” seungwoo coos as he draws a thumb along yohan’s jaw. he hovers over yohan for a few more moments, letting both of them catch their breath. 

“good morning.” yohan giggles cutely, like he didn’t just swallow a mouthful of come.

“good morning yohan-ah.” ducking down, seungwoo presses a few kisses to yohan’s forehead. “that was okay?” yohan hums in agreement and cuddles a little further into the sheets.

“carry me to the shower?” the younger asks after a moment. he sits up slowly, only to bury his head in seungwoo’s chest who is still kneeling next to him.

“of course.” seungwoo smiles as he presses one more kiss to yohan’s forehead, just for good measure.

around two pm, yohan gets a text from seungwoo saying he won’t be there to pick him up as promised. it’s a rare occurrence, but seungwoo still apologizes profusely. 

like always, yohan lets seungwoo know when he’s finished classes, when he’s at his transfer station, and when he’s walking the ten or so minutes to their apartment. seungwoo expects to get the security notification of someone entering the apartment soon after, but it never comes. for a few minutes he manages to brush it off. yohan is an adult after all, he could have stopped at the pharmacy or for something to eat. it just puts seungwoo at ease to know he’s safe. which is why he immediately lunges for his phone the moment yohan’s contact photo lights up the screen.

“yohan-ah?” a shaky exhale echoes down the line.

“hyung.” yohan whimpers. if his head were a little more steady, yohan may not have called seungwoo at all, may have tried to hide this from him. however it’s hard to think straight with his heart racing out of his chest and blood pouring from his nose. “there was someone waiting for me.” 

“what?” seungwoo practically roars, startling the handful of subordinates around him half to death. “are you hurt?”

“no.” yohan lies.

“where are you?”

“in the station. i ran away and hid in the bathroom.” 

“stay there. don’t hang up.” yohan hears some commotion and seungwoo ordering that someone get in touch with seungyoun. there’s nothing else discernable until the sound of an engine revving to life. having collected himself slightly, seungwoo speaks again. “you’re sure you’re not hurt?”

“um.” the younger hiccups. “i think my nose is broken.” it takes everything in seungwoo not to scream in rage again, but he doesn’t want to upset yohan any more.

“jesus christ.” he curses lowly. with nothing less than a sinking heart, seungwoo realizes yohan is crying. “don’t cry baby. i’m coming. everything’s going to be okay, i promise.” 

“need you.” yohan whimpers again and seungwoo’s never been more sure of anything than the fact that he will never let yohan get hurt again. 

“i’m coming angel. hold on for me.”

seungwoo must look like a man possessed as he parks haphazardly outside the station exit, barely pausing to conceal his gun in his jacket as he sprints down the steps towards the bathrooms.

“yohan-ah?” a sniffle echoes from behind one of the stalls as its door creaks open. seungwoo doesn’t have time to take stock of yohan’s condition as the younger quickly runs into his arms. “baby, let me see you.” he coaxes gently, instinctively pulling his shoulder back to avoid hitting yohan’s nose. 

the blood is mostly dried now, coating yohan’s lips, chin, and the front of his shirt in dark red except for where it’s been lightened by mixing with his tears. 

“i’m so sorry.” seungwoo whispers as he cradles yohan’s face in his hands. “are you okay to walk?” yohan nods lightly. “i’m gonna take you home, okay? we’ll get your nose checked there.” still shaken, yohan simply nods again and lets seungwoo guide him back out into the station. thankfully, the rush of commuters has subsided and they’re able to make it to the exit with only a handful of concerned looks. 

the drive is only a couple of minutes from the station, and seungyoun is already waiting for them in the parking garage by the time they arrive. yohan doesn’t notice the other man until seungyoun steps forward to help yohan from the car. his presence surprises yohan, but he reminds himself that seungwoo wouldn’t allow anyone in their home he didn’t trust with his life. 

“is it just his nose?” the stranger asks, following as seungwoo and seungyoun guide yohan to the elevator. 

“i think so.” seungwoo answers. yohan doesn’t mind the elder speaking for him at the moment, is even grateful for it given the throbbing pain in his head. with one hand, seungwoo brushes back yohan’s bangs and places a kiss on his forehead. “seungsik’s a doctor. we’ll get you fixed up and then we can talk, okay baby?” 

“mmkay.” yohan replies quietly. of course seungwoo is still seething. every instinct he has is screaming at him to figure out who did this to his yohan, his  _ angel _ . however, his loyalty to yohan and his well being calms him down with surprising ease. 

once inside the apartment, seungwoo allows seungsik to do his work, but still refuses to leave yohan’s side. instead, he sends seungyoun for water and cloths to wipe off the blood he can’t stand to see on yohan any longer. 

with gloved hands, seungsik carefully assesses the state of yohan’s nose. seungwoo takes it as a good sign when yohan winces only slightly with the pressure. 

“it’s a minor fracture. it should heal by itself.” seungsik nods as he rises from his kneeling position. "can i check your breathing yohan?"

"yeah." 

"mind taking off your shirt?" given the dried blood coating much of the fabric, yohan probably should have done so ages ago.

"here, baby." seungwoo offers, extending his hands and helping yohan tug off his shirt. it leaves him feeling exposed, naturally, but he reminds himself again that seungsik must be someone he can trust. the doctor presses the cold metal of the stethoscope to yohan's chest just as seungyoun returns to the room.

"breathe in. and out." seungsik guides softly. off to the side, seungwoo directs seungyoun to his office with a nod of the head.

"are you alright for a minute?" he asks yohan, gently petting his hair once again. the younger nods as seungsik gives him an encouraging smile.

the door to seungwoo's office barely clicks shut before the shouting starts.

"i need you to find out who did this."

"hyung, take a breath."

"how can i take a breath seungyoun,  _ how?  _ the only thing i've ever fucking cared about was nearly just taken from me and it's my fault."

seungsik doesn't miss the way yohan has started trembling and silently offers him the water that seungyoun brought. satisfied with yohan's condition, he takes a seat on the couch next to the younger boy.

"what am i supposed to do if i can't even protect him on our own street." seungwoo asks, and although he's speaking at a normal level now yohan still picks up the words. unable to wait any longer, he rises from the couch and approaches seungwoo's office.

"hyung?" the door opens a second later to seungwoo's tall silhouette. words still escape yohan at the moment, so he simply reaches out and grabs seungwoo's wrist. more than anything he wants to feel seungwoo and be close to him, the only person who can make him feel safe despite all the risks he brings.

"i'm sorry baby. come here." seungwoo pulls yohan into his arms again, but this time he lets yohan decide when to pull away. "are you okay to talk now?" he asks once yohan looks up at him, eyes still slightly glassy.

"m'okay." yohan replies. he tugs seungwoo over to the living room where seungsik is still sitting patiently. seungyoun wordlessly follows and takes an empty seat across from yohan.

"i was halfway home." yohan begins after taking a breath to steady himself. "i felt someone grab my arm and i was tugged into the alley. he swung at my head first to stun me. then he said i had to bring him inside the house or he'd shoot me." next to yohan, seungwoo's eyes flutter closed. the pure guilt weighing on him is nearly too much to bear. "i tried to get free but he swung again and that's when i started bleeding. i landed a kick and managed to pull away. i didn't know which way i ran so i just kept going once i saw the station."

"cctv." seungwoo manages to make the one word sound like an order. apparently it is if the way seungyoun bolts up and out of the room is anything to go by. "i won't ever let it happen again." turning to face yohan again, seungwoo promises quietly.

"i'll head out now if that's alright." seungsik offers politely, prompting seungwoo to stand and see him out.

"i can't thank you enough, sik."

"it's the least i can do."

"stop with that. you never owed me anything." yohan watches the exchange curiously. the two obviously have a history, and there's an undeniable warmth between them.

"thank you seungsik hyung." the younger speaks up out of nowhere, realizing he hadn't expressed his gratefulness yet.

"oh." seungsik turns to him, smiling wide and turning his eyes into crescent moons. "you're very welcome yohan. take care of yourself okay? it was nice meeting you but i'd rather not be called back here." yohan nods in understanding, a small smile on his face.

"don't you want a ride home?" seungwoo offers.

"i'll be alright, goodnight hyung."

"goodnight sik." with that, the door shuts and seungwoo and yohan are alone for the first time since arriving home. yohan doesn't meet seungwoo's eyes for a moment, but as soon as seungwoo returns to sit beside him the younger extends his hands in a grabbing motion.

"my baby." seungwoo sighs, placing himself down before pulling yohan into his lap. "i'm so sorry." he whispers against yohan's temple as the younger tucks himself into seungwoo's shoulder.

"just hold me." and he does. seungwoo keeps his arms wrapped tight around yohan until the younger's breathing is quiet and even, would never let go if given the chance. as yohan's breath ebbs and flows against the skin of his neck and their heartbeats slowly become in time, seungwoo makes a promise to himself and to the boy in his arms.

he's going to get out.

"what do you mean  _ out _ , hyung?" seungyoun whispers, tone accusatory. they're sitting in the living room once again, though yohan isn't with them this time. seungwoo put him to bed an hour or so ago, making sure his nightstand was well stocked with tissues, water, and painkillers.

"out of this job, out of this life." seungwoo answers after taking a sip of his beer.

"you think you can?" it's not unheard of, but both men know such ambitions come at high costs. there's no way someone like seungwoo could manage to escape without paying dearly.

"i can try."

"all because of yohan, huh?" seungyoun shakes his head in mock disbelief.

"you think i want this life youn? you think i like lying to every person i love? i’ve always wanted out but i thought there’d be nothing better. now i have it.”

“you’re braver than me hyung.” seungyoun admits, backing down. “you’ve saved my ass more than a few times. i’d miss you but-” the younger suddenly pauses, knowing the words don’t need to be said. seungwoo is his family, just as seungyoun is seungwoo’s and they’ve both been in the business long enough to know what hope like this is worth. 

“thank you, seungyoun.” seungwoo bids him goodbye at the door, but waits to join yohan in bed. there’s a call he has to make first, a call there’s no turning back from. as seungwoo finally pulls a sleeping yohan into his arms he knows exactly the life he must take in order to gain his own. 

***

the name seungwoo was given was perhaps the last he wanted to hear, but he’d known it was coming nonetheless. there’s more than a few ways he could go about carrying out a hit on byungchan’s father. yet, with everything at stake, seungwoo decides to go with what he knows best. 

he makes sure that yohan’s out at school when he draws up the blocked, but not deleted number. for all seungwoo knows it could be out of service by now. he half hopes it is as he presses the call button. the ringing tone sounds though, sending seungwoo’s stomach into a painful fit.

“hyung? It’s been a while.” byungchan answers, voice sickly sweet. 

“byungchan.” seungwoo has to clench his fist to keep his voice steady. “i heard you were back in seoul.” 

“word spreads quickly huh?” the younger laughs airily. in the background, seungwoo thinks he hears the low din of a television. 

“where are you staying?” he asks, hoping the question sounds casual.

“with my parents, for now.” 

“can i take you out to dinner?” 

“why? yohan boring you?” seungwoo’s favourite name in the world sounds like nothing less than a curse being spit from byungchan’s mouth. 

“not at all. i just wanted to welcome you back.” he can perfectly imagine byungchan biting his lip, pretending to think on the offer just to make seungwoo squirm. 

“if i get to pick the place.” 

“of course.” seungwoo answers quickly, trying to bring the call to an end before byungchan can slip any other conditions in. “i’ll let you know when.” byungchan huffs.

“if you’re so sure i’ll be free, fine.” 

“i’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“i look forward to it, hyung.”

seungwoo ends the call and promptly takes a shower so scalding his skin is hot to the touch by the time he steps out. it does little to wash away the self-loathing of reinviting byungchan into his life, but seungwoo finds calm when he reminds himself who he’s doing this for.  _ yohan.  _

“hyung?” the younger calls out, dropping his backpack at the front door like always. normally seungwoo might respond with a text telling yohan he’s in the middle of something in his office, but after this morning he needs to see yohan, needs to feel him in his arms.

“angel.” seungwoo smiles after opening the door to his office. he takes a few steps towards yohan, placing his arms around the younger’s waist once he’s close enough to hold. “how was your day?” 

“fine.” yohan hums. “just tired from practice.” the words fade into seungwoo’s skin as yohan presses a few light kisses along his jaw. 

“you want to take a bath with me?” yohan pulls back to look up at seungwoo with wide eyes.

“yes please.” he answers, already blissed out as he buries his face in seungwoo’s chest. 

prior to yohan moving in, seungwoo’s bathtub would sit unused for months at a time. it quickly became a near daily part of their routine though, once seungwoo knew how much it helped with yohan’s aching muscles. 

he lets yohan wash his face while running his hand under the bath’s faucet to find the perfect temperature. once satisfied, seungwoo steps out of the room for more towels. just as yohan is lifting his head from the sink and reaching for a cloth, he hears seungwoo’s phone buzz on the counter beside him. 

yohan feels bile rising in his throat. he tears his eyes away from the screen as he hears seungwoo returning to the bathroom, but the shock is clear across his face.

“everything okay baby?”

“yeah. m’gonna get in.” yohan mumbles. he peels off his sweatshirt and jeans before slowly stepping into the warm water. a moment later, seungwoo’s broad frame encircles him but it does little to steady yohan’s breathing like it normally does. 

not only is seungwoo back in contact with byungchan, it sounds friendly. like seungwoo asked byungchan out to dinner or whatever it is they’ve got planned. thinking about it makes yohan’s head ache with confusion and the effort it takes to deny that anything could be going on between them. 

byungchan hurt seungwoo, deeply and consistently. that much is obvious to yohan. so what good reason could seungwoo have to speak to the younger again? there’s a few answers that cross yohan’s mind, but none are satisfying and some are outright agonizing. 

“you’re quiet angel.” seungwoo notes, bringing a hand up to rub at yohan’s temple. “you’re sure you don’t want to tell me anything?” yohan debates bringing it up now, but he’s so tired his defences are down and he doesn’t want to allow seungwoo to sweet talk his way around anything. 

“not right now.” seungwoo kisses his shoulder.

“alright. you know i’m here for you.” 

“i love you.” in that moment, yohan says it more as a prompt for seungwoo than anything. although he means it and although he trusts seungwoo with his life, yohan needs to hear him say it in return. 

“i love you too.” and the words sound so sincere, yohan has to believe them. he just has to.

***

“you have no idea how much i’ve missed you hyung.” byungchan drawls as he eyes seungwoo over the rim of his wine glass. 

“i’m glad you’re home safely.” seungwoo returns stiffly. of course being in the same room as byungchan has him on edge, but he feels infinitely more self assured than the last time they were together.

“so, how’s yohan?” despite his hopes, seungwoo knew byungchan wouldn’t be able to last longer than five minutes without bringing yohan up.

“he’s fine.” 

“he’s even younger than me, isn’t he? where’d you find him?” 

“don’t talk about him like he’s a stray dog byungchan, please.” seungwoo warns through gritted teeth as their meals are placed in front of them.

“ah, but you have taken him in, haven’t you?” byungchan notes and points his fork at seungwoo accusingly. his next words take on a light pout. “you never let me move in with you no matter how many times i asked.”

“i wonder why.” byungchan only glares at seungwoo in response. they eat in silence for the most part. as expected, byungchan selected the most expensive dish on the menu. it’s all pocket change to seungwoo, but it’s the message that counts. 

“what’s the real reason you asked me to lunch, hyung?” byungchan sighs as he pokes at his meringue. seungwoo’s half of the table sits empty save for a small cup of black coffee.

“i wanted to see how you were doing, that’s all.” the younger raises one eyebrow at him, but seemingly accepts the answer. 

“my parents are throwing a party to welcome me home on saturday, if you’d like to come. i’ll even let you bring yohan.” disbelief and rage flash through seungwoo’s mind and he has to fight to keep either from showing on his face. disbelief because seungwoo had been expecting to spend weeks looking for an opportunity to be in the same room as byungchan’s father. rage because seungwoo would never let yohan be in the same room as byungchan, much less at the elder’s invitation. 

“i’ll consider it byungchan. thank you.” seungwoo responds cooly. he calls over the waiter to ask for the check, nearly missing byungchan’s complaint of  _ ‘you never call me byungchannie anymore’. _ even if he did hear it, seungwoo chooses not to respond.

all for yohan. seungwoo repeats it to himself like a mantra as byungchan holds his right arm while they exit the restaurant. the younger hails a cab and bids seungwoo goodbye with a pageant wave that may or may not be sarcastic. seungwoo isn’t sure. as soon as the car speeds out of sight seungwoo takes the chance to spit on the sidewalk, but it does little to remove the foul taste from his mouth.  _ all for yohan. _

obviously, seungwoo can’t pass up byungchan’s invitation. it’s the chance he was hoping for presented to him on a silver platter. once inside byungchan’s family home, it’ll be all too easy for seungwoo to complete the task given to him. maybe he’ll even make it look like an accident if he’s feeling particularly merciful that night.

truthfully, the only thing he’s concerned about is telling yohan. leaving his position will inevitably mean a few lifestyle changes for seungwoo, and in turn yohan. but even if they have to move apartments and rethink a few of their plans for the future, none of it phases seungwoo knowing he’ll have yohan by his side. 

“yohan-ah?” seungwoo calls once he gets home, knowing the younger should be back from school by now. he hates the way his heart rate picks up when there’s no immediate answer. “angel?”

“in the bathroom.” yohan’s soft voice drifts out from the master bedroom. the sound instantly calms seungwoo. 

“long day?” seungwoo hums as he takes a seat on the edge of the tub, watching yohan as he towels off. yohan only nods and the elder can’t help running a soothing hand over his slightly damp hair.

“where were you?” yohan asks innocently. though he’d been hoping to delay the conversation until at least after dinner, it may be better for seungwoo to just bite the bullet.

“i need you to trust me when i tell you. okay baby?” the condition doesn’t sit well with yohan, but he nods anyway. seungwoo motions towards the bedroom and yohan follows. after yohan tugs on a hoodie and boxers to join seungwoo on the end of the bed, he finally speaks. “i was with byungchan.”

it was what yohan had been expecting, but he can’t keep his shoulders from shaking when he hears the name.

_ “why?” _ yohan asks, just in case it’s something other than what his worst fears are telling him. 

“a couple days ago i made a decision yohan, and i’m sorry for not telling you sooner.” seungwoo places his hand on the duvet, palm up as an offering to yohan, but the younger doesn’t take it. “i decided that i don’t want to live this life anymore.” 

the vague statement sends yohan’s mind spiralling. 

“what do you mean?” he demands, firmer this time. 

“i’m relinquishing my position. i know that i’ll never be able to have a completely normal life, but i want to try for you.” 

“what does that have to do with byungchan?” yes, the idea of seungwoo leaving the international drug trade behind makes yohan’s shoulders the lightest they’ve been in months, but he’s still  _ very _ lost on how he intends to achieve that. 

“i really need you to trust me when i say this yohan-ah.” seungwoo inhales. “i have a last assignment of sorts. we’ll be free of everything if i kill byungchan’s father.”

yohan bolts upright. 

“no.” he answers plainly. “i don’t want you to.”

“i can’t back out angel. everything’s set.”

“you can’t just-” yohan finally looks at seungwoo. his eyes are desperate and tears are already threatening to spill over. 

“yohan.” seungwoo says in that pleading voice yohan can’t stand. he finally rises from the bed, giving him that precious bit of height over yohan. “i’ve done it before.”

“not like this. not  _ because of me _ .” the tears finally fall, turning yohan’s voice and vision watery. seungwoo pulls yohan into his arms, and the younger is too beside himself to stop him.

“everything will be okay.”

“promise me you won’t do it. we’re fine hyung. we’re  _ good _ like this.” yohan pleads in gasping breaths against seungwoo’s chest. “what if you get caught? what if you leave me? i can’t-”

seungwoo holds yohan until his cries quiet. 

“i promise.” he whispers softly, even if it’s a lie. 


	6. you're not here, but this place is full of your warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> major character death warning for the end of this chapter! also a minor character death partway through, but both are brief and not graphic at all.

“i should be back around midnight.” seungwoo tells yohan before pressing a kiss to his temple. the younger is seated at the kitchen table, notes and textbooks splayed out around him. 

“mhm, drive safe hyung.” yohan turns his head for a proper kiss before seungwoo takes off. of course, he obliges. 

the night sky in seoul is always starless, but seungwoo thinks the darkness hangs just a little heavier tonight. after a few minutes of driving, he passes the on ramp for the expressway. if he’d been honest with yohan, he’d take the exit and drive to incheon. seungwoo didn’t have the strength to do so however, so he speeds past the ramp and towards byungchan’s house across the city. 

as expected, byungchan’s parents occupy the top two floors of an exclusive apartment building near the edge of seoul. seungwoo remembers picking byungchan up from the complex on a few occasions, but tonight is his first time inside. 

the penthouse is filled wall to wall with people seungwoo is sure byungchan has never met before. silk shirts and velvet dresses press up against one another as guests struggle to make conversation over the music. no less than three young women offer seungwoo champagne as he searches for the guest of honour. 

“hyung!” byungchan calls out, clearly delighted. he breaks through the small crowd surrounding him to take seungwoo’s hand. “i was worried you wouldn’t show.” 

“wouldn’t dream of it.” except, that’s exactly what seungwoo’s doing. his mind is already miles away, curled up on the couch and holding a sleeping yohan in his arms. 

“can i get you something to drink?” byungchan asks sweetly as he splays his fingers out on seungwoo’s chest. 

“please.” seungwoo nods stiffly. he’s hoping to be led to another room, to get a better feel for the layout of the penthouse itself. sure enough, byungchan offers seungwoo a tour once they both have a drink in hand.

seungwoo knows he has at least a few million over byungchan’s family, but their home is decorated far more lavishly than his own: marble floors, ornate furniture, fur rugs, chandeliers. it’s no wonder byungchan has the disposition he does. 

“my father’s study.” byungchan nods towards a door on the right. he brings one finger to his coral tinted lips, and seungwoo understands.

“is he working?” 

“always. he practically sleeps in there.” the younger rolls his eyes. seungwoo’s pleased to know it won’t be hard to get byungchan’s father alone. as the elder silently works through his plan, byungchan takes it upon himself to, as always, get under seungwoo’s skin. “why didn’t you bring yohan?” 

“he’s not one for parties.”

“shame.” byungchan clicks his tongue before continuing on with the tour.

it’s past eleven by the time the two rejoin the party. in all honesty, seungwoo’s surprised byungchan didn’t try to pull him into a closet on the way. perhaps he was too tipsy for that, like he was too tipsy to notice seungwoo emptying his drink into various potted plants as they walked. he’s now likely the only sober person in the room, which he fully intends to take advantage of. 

after making polite conversation for twenty minutes or so, seungwoo excuses himself to the bathroom.

without warning, the entire penthouse is plunged into darkness. as he shuts the fuse box, seungwoo hears a few surprised gasps and inquisitive remarks from the living room. to seungwoo’s advantage, it’s raining outside, meaning a power outage isn’t out of the question. it could be minutes or hours before someone realizes the cause of the outage, but seungwoo’s not taking any chances.

he walks towards the study with one hand on the wall, just to be sure he’s following the right path. when seungwoo steps inside, he can see the face of byungchan’s father illuminated by his phone. 

“what’s going on?” he asks without looking up. clearly he thinks seungwoo is a member of the family’s staff, come to check up on him. 

without answering, seungwoo closes the study door. 

when he emerges a minute later, nothing about him has changed, save for the lingering heat of his gun and silencer that seeps through his jacket pocket and into his skin. 

“seungwoo hyung?” byungchan’s voice drifts down the darkened hallway.

“i’m here byungchannie.” the elder answers, to sate him. a sickly giggle is the only response seungwoo gets. the two rejoin the group in byungchan’s living room, where candles have been lit generously throughout. it seems no one has garnered much from the fact that the apartment buildings bordering byungchan’s are all still well lit. instead, with refilled drinks in hand, the guests seem content to carry on as is.

_ “i thought they were bringing out the cake." _

_ “it’s fun, isn’t it?” _

_ “makes for a better atmosphere.” _

under the cover of darkness byungchan slips his hand around seungwoo’s forearm, exactly where he knows a scar of his making lies. but, as his fingertips dig in, seungwoo feels no pain. he’s never been one for revenge, and there are credit cards byungchan deems more precious than his own father. however, seungwoo still hopes that, in some small part of him, he’s left his own scar on byungchan. 

it’s nearly one am by the time the power is flicked back on. comedically, most of the guests sigh in disappointment when their faces are illuminated once again. with this, seungwoo feels it’s time for him to go. byungchan tugs seungwoo away from the door, but even while sober his strength is no match for seungwoo.

“come back soon, ‘kay?” the younger slurs as seungwoo pulls out his keys. seungwoo only smiles as he steps into the elevator, leaving byungchan behind. perhaps for good. 

***

“you’re late.” yohan announces softly. he’s standing next to the stove, stirring a pot of ramen in only a large hoodie and seungwoo’s underwear. 

“i know baby. i’m sorry.” seungwoo sighs. he tosses his jacket on the back of the couch and walks towards yohan. “the shipment was behind schedule.” when seungwoo opens his arms towards yohan however, the younger draws back.

“what shipment?” 

“the one i went to check on.” seungwoo answers. his voice remains steady, certain. “just now, with seungyoun.”

“then why did seungyoun drive past me an hour ago when i went to the convenience store?” 

seungwoo should be angry,  _ livid _ , with seungyoun. he’d told him to stay home, to not answer yohan’s calls under any circumstances. 

“we’re in incheon. both of us. do not let yohan doubt that.” he’d reminded seungyoun just that morning. 

seungwoo should be angry with seungyoun, but he knows this lie is his and his alone. 

“yohan-” he starts, but is cut off suddenly. a look of terror has overcome yohan, and seungwoo can’t bear to think he might be the cause.

“that’s blood isn’t it?” yohan’s eyes are focused on seungwoo’s chest, on a spot previously covered by his jacket. it’s only one spot, but set against the pristine white of seungwoo’s dress shirt it is unmistakably blood. 

“please let me explain.” seungwoo begins. yohan only shakes his head. 

“you promised you wouldn’t.”

“i know.” seungwoo wants to be angry with yohan too, so desperately it hurts. but again, they are in this situation by his fault alone. seungwoo made a promise to yohan, and seungwoo broke it.

“am i going to see byungchan’s father on the news tomorrow?” stinging tears well in yohan’s eyes as he speaks. it’s seungwoo’s turn to nod.  _ “oh my god.”  _ yohan wails. he stumbles away from seungwoo, truthfully not wanting to be anywhere near the elder.

“yohan, please.” seungwoo begs, yet his tone is still so infuriatingly calm.

“please what? please  _ what _ hyung? i have looked the other way more times than i can count for you, because i love you, but this is-” tears are falling down yohan’s cheeks in earnest now. he throws down his hands pathetically, chest heaving. “this is too much. i can’t do it.” 

yohan looks at seungwoo with such pain, such betrayal in his wide eyes. suddenly, seungwoo knows this may be the end of everything. what was supposed to bring them together is going to drive them apart irreparably. 

“leave me alone.” the words feel so juvenile coming from yohan, as he retreats to their room and slams the door shut behind him, that seungwoo is reminded exactly who he just tried to ask the world of. 

how could seungwoo expect a pure-hearted, college-aged kid to forgive his crimes? no one in heaven or hell could award him with such forgiveness now.

“seungyoun?” seungwoo exhales into the receiver when his best friend finally picks up. with little else to do, seungwoo finds himself on a bench in the small park near his and yohan’s apartment.

“hyung? is it done?” 

“yeah.” he answers, lacking the energy to elaborate or to reprimand seungyoun for his mistake. 

“you’re home then?” seungyoun continues. 

“i was hoping you could go home for me, and stay with yohan tonight. i want him to be safe, but he won’t see me right now.” 

“oh shit.” seungyoun exclaims, and seungwoo can hear him move to another room. likely to get dressed. “yeah, of course hyung. where will you stay?”

“i’ll find somewhere. gyul maybe.” seungwoo hums.

“okay good. text me when you’re there, yeah?” in the background, seungyoun’s keys jingle melodically. 

“mm. tell me when you’re with yohan.” seungyoun laughs a little at seungwoo’s overbearing concern.

“yes sir.” the younger answers before ending the call. 

seungwoo tips his head back, breathing in as much of the cool night air as possible. longer days and harder assignments than this have left him less drained. perhaps seungyoun can calm yohan, help him to see things from seungwoo’s perspective. there’s a small chance, but it’s more than seungwoo knows he deserves.

a siren breaks seungwoo away from his thoughts. it’s not an uncommon sound, certainly not for a city the size of seoul. it starts out distant, but grows nauseatingly closer. once seungwoo sees the firetruck and ambulance speed in the direction of his apartment, the pit in his stomach gives way.

by the time seungwoo makes it back, his neighbours are lining the sidewalk. no flames are visible from the ground, but an elderly woman swears she smelled smoke coming from the twelfth floor. among those gathered on the streets, yohan is nowhere to be found. 

“has everyone been evacuated?” seungwoo pushes forward to the front of the crowd, where two firemen are waiting. 

“we’re not sure.” 

“please, i know someone’s still inside.” for the first time that night, seungwoo starts to cry.

“we’re doing the best we can, sir. please step back.” the fireman extends one hand towards seungwoo’s chest. he dials yohan’s number again and again, but gets voicemail each time. 

seungyoun arrives just in time to see yohan carried out on a stretcher. there seem to be no severe burns on him, but he’s clearly unconscious. 

_ “YOHAN!” _ seungwoo calls from the deepest part of his chest. “please that’s my boyfriend. please let me go with him.” if seungwoo was a little more coherent, he would realize that this is the first time he’s referred to yohan as such out loud. 

given the sheer panic in seungwoo’s eyes, the paramedics ask no further questions and allow him into the back of the ambulance. 

“call his family.” seungwoo shouts at seungyoun before the doors swing closed.

up close, seungwoo can see that yohan’s burns are centered on his hands and arms. he refrains from reaching out to hold one, and settles for a hand on yohan’s leg instead. 

“he inhaled a lot of smoke.” one of the paramedics offers. 

“will he be okay?” seungwoo can’t stand how pathetic he sounds. 

“he’s young.” the second paramedic nods. it’s no definitive answer, but seungwoo will take anything he can get. 

by the time they arrive at the hospital, yohan is almost unrecognizable. yohan, always so full of life, must be somewhere outside the motionless form beneath the oxygen mask. this isn’t him, seungwoo thinks.

there’s not much more that can be done for yohan at the moment, but seungwoo is still barred from entering the icu. he hasn’t found the strength to sit by the time a middle-aged couple comes rushing into the waiting area.

after seeing so many photos of them, seungwoo has no trouble recognizing yohan’s parents. his mother has clearly been crying, but his father keeps her steady by the waist. they give their names to the receptionist, never once looking in seungwoo’s direction. that’s right.

yohan’s parents have no idea who seungwoo is. suddenly, seungwoo can’t stand to be in the same room as them. he rushes down the hallway to his left in search of a washroom. 

the cold water on seungwoo’s face does little to calm him, but being alone helps to steady his breathing. he knows he won’t be able to hide for long, only until yohan’s parents are asked about the young man who rode in the ambulance with him. for that reason and so many more, they’re owed an explanation. with a deep breath, seungwoo makes his return to the waiting room.

“seungwoo?” a firm voice that seungwoo recognizes speaks. “get out.” it’s wooseok, rising from his seat next to yohan’s mother.

“wooseok?” she speaks gently, obviously confused at his sudden outburst. yohan’s father stands as well.

“get out of here right now.” wooseok doesn’t back down even as seungwoo approaches him. “this is your fault.” 

“wooseok, i would never hurt yohan.” seungwoo lifts his hands, palms out to show wooseok he means no harm. yohan’s parents exchange a confused glance. 

“he fell asleep in  _ your _ bed. the fire started in  _ your _ kitchen. tell me how this isn’t your fault seungwoo.” wooseok spits out the last word, his thin frame shaking with emotion. seungwoo didn’t know. how could he have known?

“i wasn’t even home.”

“you should have been. you should have protected him like he believed you would.” wooseok is right. seungwoo loves selfishly, but from the first day they met, he knew that wooseok loved yohan selflessly and better than he ever could. 

the receptionist has caught on to the rising tension by now, and seungwoo can hear her calling security. ashamed, he feels himself backing down.

“please call me when he wakes up and after mr. and mrs. kim have had time with him. thank you wooseok.” seungwoo bows towards the three of them before leaving the hospital. 

he knows there’s a good chance wooseok won’t call when yohan wakes up. or perhaps he will, to blame seungwoo once more, when yohan’s lungs give out. 

seungwoo knows he can’t handle either.

it may be out of cowardice, and it may be out of comfort, but seungwoo drives to the same cafe he took yohan to on their anniversary so many months ago. by now, the early morning sun casts a glow around the mountains, but a few stars stubbornly remain above. 

he sits on the same bench that he held yohan on, so many months ago. strangely enough, yohan is the only one he spares a thought for. 

he left a note for dodam on the front of the cafe. she won’t see his body.

seungyoun and hangyul have long been prepared for this. his family is taken care of.

the only one seungwoo feels remorse for, the only one he longs for, is yohan. if he focuses on the feeling, it's as if yohan is still sitting next to him on that warm august evening. it's the last thing seungwoo sees before closing his eyes. 

a single shot rings out across the lake. startled, a few birds flutter out of nearby trees and into the sky. after the echo fades, the only sound to be heard is a phone ringing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this work really feels like my child, and i cannot say thank you enough to everyone who has read it. i hope it lived up to your expectations x

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first chaptered work so i appreciate any and all feedback, i'll take it into consideration as i continue to write ♡  
> twt & cc: @rosyyoun


End file.
